Turning the Pity Party Tide: 5 Great Ideas for Improving Girls' Self Esteem

I have three girls (and one boy - but this is not about him.) I am a mother and like so many mothers, I adore my daughters - all for different reasons. But, some days (any given day) one of them will battle a blow that knocks their self esteem right off its block. As a caring mother of the dreamy tomboy, the lazy brainiac and the know-it-all princess...I have discovered there are simple truths with these girls that endure time, no matter the style. Having said that, here is what I have learned works - short term - to take them out of their state of self-pity and suffering esteem...and into accomplishment, acceptance and pride.

For the long term, it may take way more. But I am a mother of four and in this house; we take it one day at a time. It is my hope that these collective days, result in a great legacy. I once read a poem by Julia A. Fletcher that summarizes this so well. It read:

Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean
And the pleasant land.

Thus the little minutes,
Humble though they be,
Make the mighty ages
Of eternity.

So, I'd like to believe these moments matter; be it impact to the next hour or a lifetime. Here's looking at you, Mom. We are all in this together. And God willing, we will raise a nation of strong confident girls!

Manicure / Pedicure

I am not talking about money; though if you have it, soak those little suckers feet in $20 dollar bubbles and aromatherapy that smells of the islands. But in this house, we do home treatment. Still, I will say, nothing beats pampering for several reasons.

One, a manicure/pedicure guarantees human touch. As much as we actually touch or hug our kids, I am not sure it is ever enough. There is no replacement for acceptance than the human touch. And the feet, as unlovely as they may be - what an honor for someone to prepare a warm bowl and scrub in between little toes!

When my children were as young as 2, I believed in a pedicure (because I love a good pedicure.) Around our house, we called them "foot baths." Bubbles and sitting on the sink were a treat. But none of it was a great for them as mom's personal attention. Tending to the most ignored places (toe jam and nail beds) has a way of making a woman, no matter how young (or how much of a tomboy) feel like a princess!

Date with Dad

There is something men bring to the table that women never can or will. A date you're your daughter will likely be a big "to do" if you make it one - and you should. In a house of many kids, it is rare that my husband is alone with a single one. But rarer still, is "date night."

"Date Night" makes a daughter feel totally honored. She, among all of her siblings is getting Dad's special time (far more coveted than moms - at least in my home.) If you implement this idea, spare no expense in attention. Require her to dress her best. Insist that your husband do things he would do when "woo-ing" you! Ask him to make her wait in the car while he gets her car door. Ask him to drop her off at the door. Remind him of the way to romance a girl - and request he apply it to your daughter for one night!

It is then, that your daughter will set a standard for a date. She may accept less in the years to come...but she will always know in the back of her mind what it feels like to be a princess for a night. She will cherish it as an ideal. And what better ideal to set than the natural action of someone who loves her - her dad! (If there is no man on the scene, try grandpa!)

Focus on the Future

Just like a woman, caught in the doldrums of life, little girls can feel overwhelmed! It is important that we keep our darlings looking to tomorrow and teach them how to focus on hope.

In the pits of negative despair, ask them about what they like to do or hope to accomplish in life. What do they see their lives like as a teenager or adult? Then, turn this into an activity. Supply them with magazines or newspapers. Allow them to cut out all the things that inspire them or relate to their dreams! Have them create a scrap book titled, "Dare to Dream." Sit with them as you start it off, directing them with personal time and attention. Then, give them space to dream on their own. It is amazing what a girl, a pair of scissors, glue and paper will create! It may become a stronghold of memories to treasure and vehicle to propel achievement in days and years to come.

Get Active

Nothing generates esteem faster than accomplishment. There are so many things you can do with your daughter to generate this feeling. Try doing something highly active and a little out of the ordinary, yet achievable. Perhaps walking 2 miles, biking 3, swimming 20 laps together, taking a class, or just sitting back while you teach her to cook a dinner for the family will do the trick. But, esteem comes in many ways and by doing something out of the ordinary with your child, enables you to kill two birds with one stone! All of these mentioned items are just that...participation and achievement. These things you can bet on, to refocus pity and direct your child away from self-loathing into a united goal, teamwork and support.

Collage of Victory

As corny as it may seem to adults, remembering victories is a great way to dispel today's seeming failure. Have your child make a list of things they are proud of. Remind them of great victories. Use an old frame or purchase a cheap one that is specific to showcasing their works. Have the child create a collage of magazine clips, photos, or drawings that signify the things on their list. Post the framed finished product right beside their bed, where they can see it as they fall asleep - drifting in a slumber of victory.

Every day is not a victory and we need to remember the past victories...how they felt, how they smelled...tasted...and touched us. This encourages the weakest soul to press on; and know there may be brighter days!

Whatever it is, start or complete the project with your child. Kids know when we are in it to win it. And winning your child's esteem is the fastest way to creating strong adults that champion themselves and proceed with direction...to make a brighter tomorrow, for us all!