Turning Thirty Flirty and Fabulous?

People occasionally ask me what I am intending to do for my 30^th birthday. My answer for the last 4 years has always remained the same. I will be sitting in a cold darkened room that is bare, empty and void all except for the record player (did I really just say record player) with a Celine Dion greatest hits CD (for added depression), a razor blade (as it always sounded good) and case of vodka (because it is my 30^th birthday and I will want to be in a drunken haze for the weeks to come after it). Why such joy you may ask? Well, let me explain....

The Cons:

I am in the last 3 months of the 29^th year of my life. The feeling of dread and impending doom is greater now than ever before. I am coming closer to the point of being known as 'an old maid', 'on the shelf' and 'over the hill'. Cheers Life. I have feared the dreaded numbers '3' and '0' for the last 4 years now. Some people glide gracefully from their 20's to their 30's. I on the other hand, have and will not. I seem to be making the change in era in disgraceful manner. Why do people fear that number? It only is a number after all, or is it? Turning 40 does not have me in palpitations, cold sweats and a general feeling of discust, so why does turning 30?

Youth and theGreat Escape?

People have different reasons of fearing the change from 20s to 30s. Is it due to youth running away faster than you remember it being there? Is it because you can now no longer handle the 2 day hangovers and would rather stay home and chill with a bar of chocolate than face the morning after? Is it because allot of your friends are married and with child? The list is endless. People ask me what I am dreading about turning 30 and why I dread it so. Well here is why. As I said, I am 29 years old. I have a job with no real prospects. I am unmarried, with no prospect of becoming married in the near future due to the fact that I don't have a boyfriend (or any one that I am even remotely interested in, inc any form of F.Buddy). I have not accomplished half the things I thought I would have done by the time I got to the edge of darkness.

The Vow

A friend of mine was telling me all about how she had met a guy and it was one of those on again/off again relationships. The guy had her dancing around all over the place. Unfortunately, from everything that she had told me, you could see the guy was just using her and stringing her along. I asked my friend how old she was (me being 25 at the time). She answered 31. I vowed to myself I would not be in the same position as her when I got to that age. I thought to myself that I would most defiantly have settled down and be with a steady partner that I would end my days with. Not necessarily to have popped out any kids, but to be in the 'couple' zone. I am in the same situation as my fore mentioned friend, minus the guy to have me dancing all over the place. So in fact, I seem to be in an even crappier predicament.

Just a Number?

Age is only a number they say. Age is a number that brings you closer to death I say. And there it is - death. It comes to us all eventually. Being the age I am now makes me think more and more about Death - the how's, when's and where's that it will happen? And if I could find out, would I want to know anyway?

To all the happy 30 something's out there that brag about the 30s being the best age of their lives - all I can say is, you must have all accomplished what you had set out to, or have been born with a silver spoon up your butt. Either way - Good for you!

Questions cross minds like mine a lot of the time such as 'What if I never accomplish the things that I have set out in my life to do before that last page turns?' What if indeed! The answer to that is irreverently - NOTHING! And I know that this is the case as in the grand scheme of things my life and my worries are not important enough to matter.

Do you ever see celebs having melt downs when they are approaching 30? No, off course you bloody don't! They have already achieved their life long ambition - they have become celebs! And more often than not, are also married to the single most sexiest being out there, with a kid on the way too. All hail the successful celeb! Maybe I should think about putting a sex tape out there to claim my celebrity. Wait, dont you have to have at least a guy in mind to star in the sex tape with you? Another option life has taken away from me!

All Figured Out?

You tend to feel that by the time you arrive at 30, that you should have life all figured out. Well guess what - life takes a lot longer than the first 30 years to fathom. That's one thing I have realized. Something else that I also realized is that I should have some sort of vision of where I would like my life to be going by now? But no, I don't. Apparently, 30 is the real break through to adult hood. I don't usually consider myself to be all grown up, but I certainly feel I should be further down the track than this, right?

WRONG.

The Pros:

20s are the years for learning and for a lot of 'firsts'. First apartment, first long term relationship, first great job, etc. I have been wisely informed that 30s are the years for learning from the past mistakes of the 20s and making things happen for yourself. Well if that's anything to go by, I have thousands of past mistakes that I can learn lessons from to put into practice in the years to come. I have also been told that it's like coming out of a chrysalis and turning into a butterfly. Well in all fairness, I look better now than ever and have lost weight from being 27. I also can't complain of wrinkles due to my once hated and now loved oily skin. My hair style is the best that I have seen it before and I don't give a crap what people say or think about me. If turning 30 is going to bring more of this to the table, then instead of dreading that prospect, should we not learn to welcome that in?

Apparently, when men get past looking at the odd wrinkle, a woman in her 30s is far sexier than a woman in her 20s.

20s Vs 30s

I will no longer have to practice at becoming an adult, as have already had years of doing just that. Instead of worrying about where my life is going and being left on the shelf for all eternity, I can start to create a new vision and be proud of who I am and what I have achieved so far. Yes I may be single, but I do love it! I am now getting to the stage in my life that I am comfortable in money and don't have to ask the Parents to buy me things as I can buy them for myself. And, with more time, brings off course more money and comfort. Did I enjoy living in that crap hole of an apartment when I was 20? Hell no! Do I absolutely LOVE living in the house that I have kitted out with fantastic décor and furniture now - YES!

In 5 years I could even run to be prime minister (Now there would be an achievement)!

Apparently you are 26% less lightly to make a new years resolution in your 30s. I guess you realize that at that point, you don't really need to wait till New Year to sort yourself out; you can make a decision and stick to it at any time of the year, as you have gained the sense to do so.

81% of Women have gotten married by the time they have reached 30, but 16% have also gotten divorced too. So holding out and waiting for the one seems a little easier now. Men tend to have their 'Available Lights' on in their 30s, so why not hold fire a while longer instead of opting for 2^nd best. I would not want to have been through the hassle of getting married too young then realizing that after the said husband had grown up slightly, that he really was not the one for me! I would have wasted an inordinate amount of money on the wedding and then the divorce. So now, I have actually saved myself some cash for my future pension fund (Retiring is only just round the corner after all)! Bonus!

My Choice and the Choice of the New Generation

Turning 30 does not mean that you HAVE to go antiquing or enjoy watching 'Songs of Praise' on a Sunday evening. It means that you have the choice to do so. Turning 30 also means the decisions that you make in life are better thought out and more likely to succeed due to having more life experience and knowledge.

OK I will never be branded a 'rising star' as that title is kept for people in their 20's - but in all fairness, I would never have been branded that in the first place.

And what about the music these days? I am not a keen fan of all this electro house techno funkiness, but even if it was around in the early stages of my 20's, I would not have like it then either. I like a tune that you can sing along to, well, at the very least like my Dad always says, to be able to whistle to!

When in your 30s, I have been told you have a new found air of confidence and self respect. I have never given a crap about what people think of me, but now I can also welcome into my life the fact that the little things don't really matter. It's the way that we handle the big things that count. Yes life is full of challenges, but is turning 30 really one of them?

If it is a choice between 30 and death, I know which one I would choose.

I may have to change my plans for my impending birthday. Instead of commiserating alone in my darkened room, I may, just may have to have a celebration in the style of Sex and the City, and be thoroughly fabulous by throwing a cocktail party. Well, if people celebrate the life of someone who has passed in the form of a wake, then I can certainly celebrate the turning of a year without too much pain, fear and impending doom. After all, 30 is the new 20, right?

Louise Bell 'Top Tips for Turning 30' Associated Content