TV Commercials, Hit Mute

There's no getting away from them. Turn on the TV and there they are - commercials. Some are funny (the first time), some are serious, some are lies, most are dumb and/or irritating.

F'rinstance . . .

Why do car companies feature their car going the speed of liftoff down a deserted highway / pasture / beach / parking garage / ski jump / desert road / mountain trail / water slide, and end with a full 360 in front of the camera, all the while promoting how sleek, sexy, powerful, "you deserve this", and "boy, do we have a deal for you". Then, the next time you see the same car, they're bashing it into a wall and bragging about how safe it is because of all the airbags, straps, frame, crash ratings, supertires, safety glass, etc. Why don't they just put a big ol' airbag on wheels and call it good?

The ads for booze that end with "drink responsibly" give rise to the question; isn't that an oxymoron?

Also on the list is the happy housefrau demonstrating how easy it is to keep your floors sparkling clean by simply pushing around a stick attached to a rectangle that holds, basically, a paper towel. Gimme a break - it's worthless, and overpriced. If they'd come out with a version that cut a six foot swath, had a hose attachment, and suggestions on how to keep the ol' man, kids, dogs, calves, etc confined to the barn, they might have something. Better yet, a seat and a steering wheel . . . oh yeah, those are called street sweepers. Never mind.

Then there's the pills, guaranteed to fix asthma, get rid of unwanted pounds, unclog arteries, relieve depression, grow eyelashes, give you more energy, or anything else your heart desires. Better living through chemistry! After the smiling faces and background music, they get to the side effects. "Side effects may include" abdominal pain, hives, muscle cramps, nasal fungal infection, aching joints, suicide (suicide?!), vomiting, addiction, hoof and mouth, memory loss, webbed feet, viral infection, runny nose, poor posture, flat tires, nuclear fallout, . . . . but, hey, doesn't your back feel better? And who cares that your hair is now the same color as tomato soup. After all, that shade cost a lot of money.

It's not $19.99, it's $20. Why can't anyone say $20 anymore? One lousy penny does not make anything sound cheaper, it just makes the commercial sound even dumber.

Practically every cleaning product has an antimicrobial version. During the spiel, you're shown a spotless kitchen - obviously all those nasty germs are dead. What the manufacturers don't want you to know is that the few germs that survive mutate into bigger, better, badder bugs. ( Pretty soon you'll be able to see them with the naked eye, then you can just shoot 'em.) Not only that, the water treatment plants cannot remove the antimicrobial part from the rest of the waste water, which creates yet another monster. A perfect example is the San Francisco bay where the smallest organisms are being killed off, leaving little-bitty fish with nothing to eat. Follow that one up the food chain.

I wish the old saw about "Truth in Advertising" still applied. People are hammered with these rosy visions of a better life whenever they buy such-and-such a product, and the sad truth is that life would probably improve without 90% of this junk. Give me Clara and her "Where's the beef?" slogan. That was a good commercial.