TV Review: Dance Your Ass Off on the Oxygen Channel

Okay, full disclosure: I don't like most reality shows, but I like dancing and I like shows that help people, provided they're not too maudlin (sorry, Extreme Makeover, Home Edition) or disgustingly shallow (you, too, Extreme Makeover, Vanity Edition and Swan). When I heard about this show, I thought, "Hm, Dancing with the Stars meets The Biggest Loser. Train wreck or insanely awesome?" Allow me to report my findings:

Unlike most Americans, I have never watched Dancing with the Stars because I have little interest in the buffoonery that permeates every blessed minute of that show, but The Biggest Loser is like crack to me. I can deal with the emotional meltdowns and game-playing, because the biggest draw is to see people take on their problems with obesity and emerge triumphant and, let's face it, hot. I am a typical girl and can't resist a good makeover (provided it doesn't come from a team of plastic surgeons). The joy the contestants experience when they start regaining both their physical health and their self-esteem is really wonderful, and I am hoping that Dance Your Ass Off will capture that.

So, here's the main idea: Dance Your Ass Off, hosted by curvaceous Marissa Jaret Winokur, has chosen twelve contestants, male and female, who are overweight, some more than others, and teamed each up with a professional dance partner, who also choreographs each number the pair will perform. Each contestant has to dance for a panel of judges, who will offer scores. The judges are Mayte Garcia, a devastating beauty who was married to Prince from 1996-2000; Lisa Ann Walter, who looks a lot like actress Christine Lahti; and Danny Teeson of the impeccably-groomed facial hair. They appear to live in a large bedazzled space egg, from which they are released each week to offer their critiques and score the dancers. Their scores are averaged, and then we learn how much weight each contestant has lost every week. This is converted to a percentage of body weight, à la The Biggest Loser, and the percentage is added to the average score to determine the dancer's rank overall.

Suppose, for example, that Suzy Creamcheese has performed an adequate routine, which has earned her two sevens and a six, averaging 6.7. She started at 250 pounds and dropped 7.5 pounds, or 3.0% of her body weight. That gives her a score of 9.7. This may seem overly technical, but it gets easier to understand when you see them do it repeatedly. It is not only fair but interesting, as you might dance like crap but save yourself with a larger weight loss, or have a cursedly slow metabolism, yet save yourself by tripping the light fantastic. Contestants are given the opportunity to lose weight not only by learning and practicing their dance routines, but by scheduled workouts with a personal trainer and by having the services of a nutritionist to help with their eating plans. They are also attended to by a familiar face: Dr. Huizenga, from The Biggest Loser.

So the concept is interesting, but how is the viewing experience? Well, the potential for reality-show drama is there, as all of the contestants are made to live in one of those big, silly reality-show houses, complete with a potentially-sabotaging cabinet filled with healthy foods ("eat") on one side and yummy, evil foods ("cheat") on the other. Also, it's a competition, so some people show a darker side to their personality. We already have the classic reality-show (and real-life, I might add) personality types: the Backstage Bitch (Karla), the Crybaby Drama Queen (Alicia), the 20-Year-Old Virgin (Brandon), and the Rhythm-Impaired Family Guy (Warren). My favorite contestant is Shayla, who is sweet, earnest and well-spoken. You go, girl! Win this beeyotch!

As for the performances, heh, what can I say? Watching fat people dance can be a little morbidly fascinating, but also you become quite impressed with just how well they do dance. The rehearsal footage, however, shows the real cost of being overweight, as the dancers express their frustration and sadness at not being able to perform the moves as they want to do, or even as they used to be able to do. This puts a realistic face on the suffering that obesity can inflict emotionally, and will hopefully provide a cautionary tale for people to avoid putting on too much weight, just as the determination to perform the routines and lose the weight is an inspiration for those of us who are trying to budge a few pounds ourselves.

Watching the contestants dance with their partners is not as much of a show-up as you might fear. Of course, the professionals are all impossibly beautiful and talented, but they do a pretty good job of letting the contestants shine. Overall, this is turning out to be a pretty feel-good show, so if you have cable or satellite, check out Dance Your Ass Off on the Oxygen channel. New episodes come out on Mondays at 10pm, but you can catch reruns at various different times. This past Monday was only the second show, so you can probably get caught up quite easily. Bat recommends it!