Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, the kitchen a mess,

I slaved in there cooking alone in duress,

They sat on their tuccuses while I worked and stirred,

And I struggled alone with a mighty big bird.

~

I banged the pans loudly, subtly hinting for help,

Then I slipped on some oil and fell down with a yelp,

More rapid than eagles they came to my aid,

In my mind I was thinking, "Be very afraid."

~

Their eyes grew like saucers when they saw the game,

And they whistled and shouted and called out my name,

Then what to his wandering eyes should appear,

But the sight of old pizza and cold cans of beer.

~

The light on the oil on the new fallen wife,

Also glowed on the blade of a sharp shiny knife,

Sitting forgotten while he dreamt sugar beer dreams,

I picked up the knife and threw it with a scream.

~

As the blade like a wild hurricane at him flew,

I missed my target and hit the lite brew,

He gasped as if it had hit him instead,

So I planted the turkey on top of his head.

~

While daughter and I in a twinkling cleaned up,

He took the stabbed beer and poured it in a cup,

His eyes how they twinkled, his smile was quite merry,

While he sat and enjoyed it alone in his chairy.

~

My cheeks were all rosy, my nose was all red,

We patched turkey together with needle and thread,

It was chubby and plump, a right hearty feast,

And I stewed in my silence in spite of the beast.

~

I exited the kitchen and flew out of sight,

The preparation of feast was enough for one night,

I rose up the stairs and I turned to the jerk,

"Thanks for all of the help with the Thanksgiving work."

~

And I heard him exclaim as I stomped out of sight.

"The couch is quite comfy, to all a good night!"