Twelve Chinese Fortune Cookies for the Fourth of July

The Fourth of July is approaching. Be patriotic and break open a fortune cookie. It's your duty.

1. Never salute the flag when you are half drunk. You just won't come across as being sincere.

2. Never set off fireworks in your jockey shorts.

3. Never ride a horse in a parade holding a cocktail in your hand.

4. If you believe that you are a Founding Father, then you must be an incredibly old man.

5. Never wave an American Flag in the middle of rush hour traffic.

6. It is unwise to shout, "The Red Coats are coming," in a crowded bar.

7. Never shout, "Raise taxes," in a Republican Convention.

8. The freedom to fart in public was not part of the Bill of Rights.

9. Never shout, "The British are coming," during a sex orgy.

10.Never give a Border Patrol Agent the middle finger salute.

11.Michele Bachmann never signed the Declaration of Independence.

12.Never create a rebellion in the middle of a nudist colony.