Twenty-something Crisis

Being twenty-one is not quite in the middle, but I am already having a crisis. A few months from now I will be twenty-two years young. I have nothing to show of my life so far. And I have no idea what to do with my future. I'm lost in more ways than one. I am also aware that college is important just because it looks good on a resume. I honestly do not want to travel down that road. The truth is that college really is not for everybody. I'm not worried about the work or anything, that would be the easiest part for me. I do however, get stressed out due to my own fears and insecurities. These things drag me down and keep me from doing the things I want to do. My life has been eventful enough and I feel like it will only get harder with time. Honestly, I am not ready for the future. But, it is all I can think about. Will I be happy? And I don't mean the contentment you may feel when you have received good news. I mean true happiness. Only you can make yourself happy, right? What if I am one of those few that feel nothing? I have never considered myself to be apathetic; at least not towards anything or anyone but myself. Where do I go from here? In elementary school, my teachers said that after high school everything will look up. And I believed them. I don't know why, but I did.

I feel like I am trapped in a time bubble. Part of me is desperately trying to move forward and the other half is trying to keep my adolescence. But, all I am really doing is standing still. I'm stuck in some weird vortex from hell. Sometimes I wish I could somehow pass my twenties and get to thirty or thirty-five. Part of me feels that I will be somewhat settled, hopefully. I need help moving on to a better me. My academics have always been a part of who I am. I was the kid who gave out all of the answers. The smart one, I guess. And I never hated anything more. My knowledge does not define me. And being the age that I am, I feel as if something should announce itself now. Whether it be a hidden talent or a noble cause. I am currently up for anything but this. I constantly feel as if I am being dragged through the mud. And what, all for nothing? Something definitely has to give. Are the twenties really the decade of complaints and underachievement?