Twilight: Why I Am Not in Love with Edward

I am a big fan of the Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, but I have a confession to make. I am not in love with Edward. Perhaps I'm too much of a logical thinker, but falling in love with a vampire is not exactly my idea of a match made in heaven. Just for fun, I decided to come up with my reasons why Edward and I would not have made it past chapter one.

When Bella meets Edward in her biology class, Edward is downright rude. He doesn't greet her with a friendly smile. He doesn't even make any attempt to make her transition to a new school more pleasant. Instead he treats her like he is disgusted with her and can't wait to get away. If I had been Bella, I would have assumed that this handsome Edward was just too into himself. He would definitely be on my list of people to whom I should avoid.

Now let's assume that Edward comes back to my biology class and actually smiles at me. Perhaps he ends up saving my life twice, once in the parking lot and again when some bad guys are about to attack me. Would I then fall in love with him?

Being a Minnesotan, I'd have to say no. How fun would it be to come in from a cold winter's night and curl up to my boyfriend who is as cold as ice? No thank you. I prefer someone a little more warm blooded.

Another reason I would not fall in love with Edward has to do with him watching Bella sleep. I'm big into privacy, so the thought that someone had entered my bedroom and had watched me sleep is very disturbing. Edward started his "watch Bella sleep" routine before they even knew each other very well. What does it say about his character that he would enter a woman's room at night without her permission?

I think dating Edward would be less than enjoyable. Can you imagine how awful it would be to have a boyfriend who never eats? It's bad enough to go out to eat with someone who only eats salads, but to have a boyfriend who never eats real food would be so irritating. "Hey, wanna order a pizza and watch me eat?"

Let's say it's summertime and we're finally able to enjoy the beautiful lakes and parks that Minnesota has to offer. But wait, we can't go outside because Edward would sparkle. No picnics, no trips to the beach, no State Fair, no trips to the cabin. I would definitely have a bad case of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I'll admit that Edward is a very attractive man. Edward is also stronger, smarter, wiser, faster, and more musical than I am. Those are great qualities, but what would that do to my own self-esteem? I don't think I could handle being with someone who didn't have a single flaw. It would make my flaws seem that much bigger. And then to know that I would age and he wouldn't, well that just wouldn't be fair.

Even if I deeply cared for Edward, it would still bother me to know that he had killed people, and that he has an instinctive urge to kill again. With Edward's moody behavior, how could I trust that he wouldn't turn on me some day? That fear would always be in the back of my mind.

To get past his cravings for human blood Edward chooses to hunt animals. That's very noble of him, but I'm the type of person who would feel sorry for the animals. I don't think I would be able to get the image of him attacking Bambi out of my mind.

My Christian faith is an important part of who I am. How would I feel knowing that my boyfriend could never participate in my religion? It would definitely be something I would have to consider when choosing a long-term partner. And because of my religion, I would never choose to become a vampire, no matter how much I loved someone. The thought of eternal life here on Earth, instead of in heaven, is definitely not appealing to me.

Okay, so let's pretend that I have chosen to ignore all of the red flags that are waving in front of me and I have decided to become physical with Edward. I'm going in for that passionate kiss that will surely make my insides melt and what does he do? He pushes me away, just like he did to Bella so many times. That would be a major blow to my ego.

That would also be the final straw. I'm sorry, Edward, but I'm just not that into you.