Twisted Love: My Journey with the Prescription Painkiller Oxycodone

It's been nearly eleven years since I was permanently disabled in a boating accident off the shores of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I have a T-10 through T-12 bone graft and fusion, as well as a permanently inserted Pyramesh cage, wired together in what's left of the small of my back by an odd assortment of screws and pins. I have a 22" slender scar that runs from my rib cage to my lower back. I am, medically and psychologically speaking, a bit of a mess.

Before my accident, the only "pain killer" I'd ever used was aspirin or Excedrin. Following it, I was offered the full menu of pain relief, including the medicinal pump inserted into one's body (a little squeeze or two will 'do' you!), Perkoset, Vicodin, Oxycodone, and so on. Perkoset and I didn't agree, but Vicodin (perhaps most commonly known as hydrocodone) and Oxycodone (a.k.a. Oxycontin) did. I remain on the same dosage of both more than a decade later, and most likely will for the rest of my apparently shortened life.

Every so often, a story involved oxycodone and a celebrity rears its ugly head. Most recently, 27 year old Adrienne Martin, the mother of an eight year old son and the girlfriend of former Anheuser-Busch CEO August Busch IV, died on the morning of December 19th in Busch's St. Louis, Missouri home. The coroner has revealed the results of Ms. Martin's death as an overdose of oxycodone.

According to the National Institutes of Health,oxycodone is used to relieve moderate to serious pain, and is classified as an opiate analgesic (in other words, a narcotic). The drug works by "tricking" the body's nervous system and the brain's responses to pain; abuse of it has "increased markedly", according to a recent Drug Enforcement Administration report.

No mention in the coroner's report was given as to why, how or by whom Ms. Martin was prescribed oxycodone. There was no apparent crippling disability, recent accident, or ongoing medical condition for which a narcotic would be needed. The investigation by St. Louis County police officials is still ongoing two months after Ms. Martin's demise.

If you are not familiar with oxycodone, you may have some incorrect or false impressions of the drug, both in terms of its capability to 'block' pain from sensors in the brain, its strength, and how important an accurate dosage is for a patient. As noted earlier, I have been on the exact same dosage since I started taking it. There have been situations and opportunities where it was suggested that I increase the dosage, but I deliberately chose not to do so. What works for me is a relatively low dose, and it provides immediate relief. Why mess with what works? I am fully aware that I am, for better or worse, totally dependent upon it for true, genuine pain relief, and that I will be taking it for the rest of my natural life. I've come to terms with that, because I had no control over the situation that forced me into this position in the first place. What I can control is the amount that I take - once a day, in the morning, the same small dosage that's worked for years.

It took me at least a year to acclimate my body and my mind to oxycodone. For months, it left me groggy and sleepy for much of the day. I learned that a bit of caffeine in my system counteracts the drowsiness. If properly prescribed and properly used by the patient, oxycodone is a true lifesaver for the patient struggling with permanent 'moderate to severe' daily pain. Nothing will bring back the missing part of the small of my back, or fuse my spine back in place. Nothing will replace the titanium rods where my ribs had once been located. Nothing will make it easier for me to walk, stand, exercise, swim, or go about what most of the population takes for granted each and every day - except for the relief I get from oxycodone. It truly does 'trick' my mind into believing that my back pain isn't really as bad as it actually is...

And therein lies the root cause for the massive abuse of oxycodone. Few among us are truly 'pain free', physically or mentally. It takes an ethical, conscientious physician know when - and when not - to prescribe oxycodone for a patient, and what amount and time limits should be in place. My daughter refused to take oxycodone following a recent ATV injury because she did not want to run the risk of becoming addicted. Hers was, thankfully, a short-term but severe injury, and she chose to gut it out instead. I've chosen to stay on a low dosage, even though a higher one might/could/should increase my quality of life. Saying 'No' to oxycodone isn't easy, and many Americans don't even try, so powerful is the relief that it provides. Once, a "friend" of one of my daughters was spending the night at our house, and I found her rummaging through my medicine cabinet. She knew I was disabled, she knew that I took oxycodone, and she was apparently hell-bent on finding it. After I sat her and my daughter down for a brief but angry talk, she was no longer welcomed into our home. I also started carrying my "controlled substances" in a small but secure bag with me at all times after that incident.

Doctors aren't gods; they're mere mortals just as ourselves, except with an extraordinary amount of medical expertise and a Hippocratic oath to uphold: "Do no harm." I have no answer for the doctors who freely and needlessly prescribe oxycodone for an individual who honestly doesn't need it. I have no sympathy whatsoever for the patient who fills that prescription. Yes, oxycodone gives you an unearthly 'high', a remarkable feeling of well-being - and yes, it is exceptionally addictive. It was the most effective painkiller my surgeon and pain therapist considered for my condition. It was never, ever, ever my intention to resign myself to the fact that I would be on so powerful a drug for the rest of my life - and yet, I will be.

Others choose to use and abuse oxycodone because of the 'high' it provides. On two occasions only over the past decade, I couldn't remember if I had taken my morning meds, and accidentally took double my usual amount of oxycodone. On both occasions, I was literally 'out of it': barely able to walk, so relaxed that my body seemed to turn to jelly, nothing and no one bothered me, I couldn't concentrate or focus on any task. Both times, I was out like the proverbial light in a matter of a few hours and slept in a 'dead' sleep for pretty much the balance of the day. Both times when I accidentally 'overdosed', it was a weird combination of fright, exhilaration, and total lack of control. It was scary, but so incredibly relaxing...at least what I remembered of it.

I can easily see how someone could or would want to get their high from oxycodone; it is a feeling that's hard to put into words, unless you've done it yourself. I can understand how someone could become addicted to that high. To think that such small, pink pills could make all the pain - any pain - go away, and to make for such blissful, totally uninterrupted sleep, is amazing but very true.

My heart goes out to Ms. Martin's family, especially her young son. My heart goes out to each and every one of you who has considered using or abusing oxycodone beyond the norm. My own trip down that road was not of my own choice. If it's a journey you're considering making for whatever emotional or short-term pain you may be in, stop right now - don't go down that road. It's already cluttered enough with those of us who were silently sold a bill of goods in our lives that we didn't ask or deserve to have. Having to shoulder oxycodone as our walking stick on our path to the end of that road is a burden that no one should have to bear...