Two Deal Breakers that Can Ruin Almost Any Relationship

Sit back and think about what it is that may have caused some arguments within your relationships lately. What were they about? Now make them more simplistic, because often times, a very simplistic reason blow up to be a very real and ugly situation that could be what we call, "A Deal Breaker", in many kinds of relationships.

The two situations that can cause almost the most friction in almost any type of relationship but especially in more intimate relationships, be it husband wife, with a significant other, dating or even very good friends, are the following: Fighting about money and jealousy of others being 'spoken to'.

Sounds pretty simple, yet many people will say, oh we don't fight about money or we don't care who the other speaks to, but is that truly so? Those ugly heads can rare up in the oddest of forms and cause a solid relationship to slowly dwindle down to where you are holding on barely by a twig and you may never know how you got there.

Let's start with fighting about money. Bills are going to be an every day, every month, and every year, shoot every lifetime, kind of thing you will have to deal with, no matter what. In this day and age and time, economics are not only hard but for some, nearly impossible to deal with but are they really worth arguing about? Think about it. How is arguing about when this bill or that bill is going to get paid, or how will you have money to go out, etc? When you start arguing about money, anger tends to fly fast, hot and heavy. This is mainly because there is no solid answer to how these problems can be solved without sitting and thinking about how you can rearrange what bills and payments you have now and in some cases, just having some faith that things will be okay. Honestly, having faith is a big factor in these situations. Faith that all is going to be okay, some way, some how.

Take time to back away from the subject and breathe and think, but relax first. There is nothing that can be repaired by arguing, nothing. When emotions rise and voices get louder, there is no more logical thinking, only emotions riding high and very often those emotions are run by one of the most detrimental emotions of them all; fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what could be, what will be, what might be; fear is a crippling emotion and when we fear something, we are allowing that item at hand, be it an emotion, our thinking or a person or thing, control us and our lives. So now you have fear making our emotions rage high, the bill collectors knocking at your door or calling you saying we need this or that, now but it is no where to be seen, nor might it be for a week or two or three because of any number of reasons. You can do nothing about that, except have some faith that it will all be okay. If you allow your worries, your fears, start raging between you and the ones you love the most because of monetary worries, you are putting a very large wedge within your relationship that is very hard to get back out. If no one can really do anything about fixing your monetary issue at that given moment, why argue about it?

Now there are cases where you have lazy people who just 'choose' not to work, who choose to not do anything for any number of reasons, and those are the things that need to be worked out on occasion, BUT if you are both working, both trying, both looking for work, both have called every resource or used every extra resource you can get help from and are out of options, arguing about it won't do you any good. Right now is the time to be stronger for each other because you are the ones who will be dependent on each other through these tough times.

The worse kind of arguing though is the petty arguing about money. You will have the money, you know you will, soon enough, this week or next, but you must rearrange the bills or speak with bill collectors to make payment arrangements but they will be paid none the less. Why argue about something this is already going to be handled, even if it is not being done in the normal fashion? In these times of economic stress if you already know you will have the money to pay a bill, you are one step up from those who are wondering where the money is going to come from because of being laid off, fired or the lack of available jobs in the marketable area they live in. Feel blessed, as hard as it is; hold your tongue, as even harder as it is; and try to enjoy life with the knowing you may have much more than so many others do in these trying times.

The second situation that is not worthy of fighting over and is yet another serious deal breaker in many relationship is having jealousy. Now we are not just talking over what he has or she has or what he is doing or she is doing, but the angry type of jealousy, as to 'why are you talking to her or him' type of jealousy. The simple truth is, if they love you, they come home to you and they do not cheat on you, why be jealous, really?

Jealousy is another very angry emotion. It is an emotion that can ruin almost any relationship you have if you become jealous of whom your significant other is speaking to in any given day. Does it really matter? If it does matter who they are talking to, speak to your other half and let them know how you feel. I did say the word 'speak' specifically. So many relationships right off the bat start out as arguments or the person who is feeling offended, starts 'talking at' not 'to' the person whom is doing the 'offensive act'. No one likes to be 'talked at' and no one, NO ONE likes being yelled at for something they never thought was a problem in the first place.

Sit down and let your significant other know how you feel, communication people, communication. Tell them in simple, plain English, that this person, whom they are speaking to or with, makes you feel uncomfortable and why it does. If they don't normally have to talk to them, as in business or because they don't have a relationship with them (as being the mother or father or a child from a previous relationship) and meeting and speaking with this person could be avoided to avoid any more hurt feelings, then more in likely the other person in your relationship will try to accommodate you. If they truly love you, it is called helping to build and keep trust. But, if they do have a parental relationship with them or they do work together and cannot help but to see them everyday, talk with them every day, in a business atmosphere, then it is time to search out some trust in your relationship, if your partner says, there is nothing going on.

Jealousy can cause bitter, hot, hatred feelings which are only detrimental to a relationship of any type and even more so when it comes to a loved one. Try to talk your issues out to find out why you might be jealous and what can be done about it. The truth is, if they are going to stray, there is nothing none of us can do about it and getting angry and yelling only adds gasoline to the other persons fire to rev up their relationship with your significant other, even strong and hotter. You are basically pushing your partner away from you by not speaking to them but in some cases also, it won't make any matter how much you speak, talk or try to work things out. In some cases, unfortunately, you have some hard choices to make; whether to take the continual flirting if that is what is going on and it's not stopping, or walk away and try to live a more normal, happier life. It is what it is. Jealousy has no place in any relationship and is only detrimental, so why worry with it. Life is too short to be jealous or mad all the time because of people or our life circumstances.

Worry some if you must, but try to put FAITH in your relationship and keep the communication lines open. Leave jealousy and petty arguments out of it and try to live life for the happy moments, for the love that you share and the many more happy times to come, in what could be a very happy and long, loving lifetime relationship