Types of Father-Daughter Relationships

According to Barbara Goulter and Joan Minninger, authors of The Father-Daughter Dance, there are six broad groups of father-daughter relationships. Each of these has a different effect on girls as they grow from little tots into mature women. The following summaries can help fathers to identify their parenting style and adapt and change where necessary.

The Lost Father

These fathers abandon their daughters emotionally. Although they may be present in the home, they don't pay their girls any attention, and achievements and accomplishments are ignored. The child will generally grow up with a lack of self confidence and a craving for male attention and affection. Fathers have various reasons for ignoring daughters and these include a lack of self esteem and jealousy from the child's mother.

The Abusive Father

An abusive father communicates the message that his needs are more important than his daughter's. His destructive behaviors are consistent and he may express rage, violence and put his daughter down or even sexually abuse her. Dominant behavior is common and the results are devastating. His daughter may grow up afraid of expressing an opinion and shrinking into the background to avoid negative attention and abuse.

The Pampering Father

These fathers pamper their daughters which means they often end up spoilt and feeling entitled to special treatment. While this father may seem like an ideal parent, he is actually setting his daughter up to feel deprived when others don't treat her in the same manner. These girls often learn to manipulate and will carry this behavior over into marriage.

The Toxic Father

The toxic father is a mentoring father who teaches his daughter that she can only become something with his help. Women are a lower class in his eyes but he graciously coaches his daughter on life. She becomes a companion to him and he may expect her to keep him as her priority. This can cause division and upset when she launches out on a career and attempts to build a life of her own.

The Ruined Father

Some daughters devote themselves to a life of martyrdom in an effort to help a broken father. Their dad may be depressed or out of work or unmotivated and his daughter wants to help him out of this. Instead of pulling himself together or seeking professional help, he accepts her attention and becomes extremely demanding. This is an unhealthy relationship on both sides.

The Anguished Father

This father-daughter relationship is marked by anger. It is slightly different to the other father types as it is the daughter who becomes angry. This is normally in response to perceived failure or indifference by her father. Her anger may be expressed directly or may manifest in anorexia. Other avenues include defying her father and living a lifestyle that angers or distresses him.

Father-daughter relationships are prone to a number of problems but these can be indentified and corrected. A father who loves his daughter in a healthy manner, with plenty of affection and affirmation will launch her into life as a happy, confident young woman.

Reference:

The Father-Daughter Dance , Barbara Goulter and Joan Minninger, Avon Books, 1994