Types of Nosy Neighbors and How to Deal with Them

(Without Resorting to Violence)

Dr. Jamie Yvette, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Feb 24, 2008 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."

I'm certainly not the first writer to address the topic of nosy neighbors, but I couldn't resist the urge to add to the existing body of literature out there on this subject matter. A nosy neighbor can try the patience of even the saintliest of individuals. Such people seem to have nothing better to do with their time and energy than mind other people's business. If you have a nosy neighbor, you know all too well what this is like.

A nosy neighbor knows what time you and all of your family members leave the house each day and what time you return. They will regularly scope out the exterior of your house to see if you've added any new fixtures or decorations, mowed your lawn lately, gotten a new paint job or received a pressure wash. It almost seems as though they never leave their own house, for fear that they might miss something that is taking place at yours!

There are different types of nosy neighbors, but I would classify them into two basic categories: Passive Snoops and Garrulous Gossips. Passive Snoops have earned their title. They routinely observe the goings-on in the neighborhood with hopes that no one sees them. This is pure entertainment for them - sort of like watching Reality TV. They couldn't care less about making conversation with you or reporting their findings. They are likely to routinely peer at you and your loved ones through their blinds, opening a small section just big enough for their beady little eyes to see out of. They may even have a tub of popcorn in their lap to munch on while they spy. They are passive because they avoid direct contact with you. But they will call the police - especially during the middle of your superbowl party because they "thought" from all of the shouting they heard that you were in danger...

Unlike Passive Snoops, Garrulous Gossips are not ashamed to let you and everyone else know that your business is their business. They sit or stand outside of their homes, watching every move that everyone on the block makes. They are the first to comment on your new car, the lengthy conversation you had with the mailman the other day or the fact that your teenager broke curfew last weekend. In times of trouble - when you really need help - this person can potentially be a lifesaver, but don't hold your breath. And expect that if they do come to the rescue, they'll take delight in relaying the blow-by-blow details to everyone else in the neighborhood afterward.

So how does one deal with such neighbors? Acts of violence or other forms of vengeance may have crossed your mind on occasion, but are these people really worth doing time? Absolutely not! You can try giving them the benefit of a doubt and assume that they are basically good-natured individuals watching out for their fellow neighbors and the safety and tranquility of the neighborhood. In a number of cases, this may in fact be true. In others, unfortunately, it is not.

If you find that resentment toward a nosy neighbor is building up inside of you, I would suggest the following:

Passive Snoops

Since they do not typically desire to be "found out" or have direct contact with you, a good way to handle a Passive Snoop is to be as friendly as you can find it within yourself to be. Go that extra mile to "love thy neighbor," even if it makes you nauseous. Whenever you see them peering at you through their blinds or curtains, smile and wave at them. Or better yet, bake them some cookies or a cake and hand deliver the gift the next time you catch them spying on you.

"You must have known that I was thinking of you today! I looked your way and there you were, looking back at me," you can smile and say if they find the courage to answer their door when you knock. "In fact, I think about you quite often," you will want to add (and you probably would be telling the truth, though they have no idea that these thoughts involve deadly weapons). This will be a little too eerie for them, since they are supposed to be watching you, not the other way around.

There are of course, Passive Snoops who will act as though no one is home when you knock, even though they were obviously watching you just a few minutes ago. They may be hiding under the bed or standing right by the front door, holding their breath so that you will think they are not there. Feel free to leave a basket of flowers from your garden at their front door with a thoughtful note, or a sentimental card that reads "Thinking of You." Your seeming interest in them will more than likely cause them to lose interest in spying on you. Hopefully, they will find the experience so terrifying that they will look for something else to do with their free time. Like spy on someone else. Someone who appears to be a little more sane than you.

Garrulous Gossips

Since Garrulous Gossips are pretty bold, you may have a project on your hands trying to deal with them. One thing you never want to do is entertain any gossip that they bring your way about others in the neighborhood - no matter how juicy. Just as they are gossiping to you about someone else, they will be doing to same to someone else about you. Never mistake their talkativeness for friendship. Someone like this could never truly be your friend.

The best way to deal with a Garrulous Gossip is to be direct. The next time they tell you that they saw your teenage daughter kissing her boyfriend goodnight at your front door over the weekend, you may want to firmly but politely say something like, "I am sure you mean well, but unless my child is clearly in danger I really don't need any updates from you on her activities." You can deal with your daughter later if you feel a need, but never let a Garrulous Gossip know that their reports have created conflict within your family, as this will only encourage them to continue meddling in your affairs.

Expect the Garrulous Gossip to be deeply offended by your brashness, since most people who fall into this category consider themselves to be humanitarians. You will most likely be reminded by them that "It takes a village to raise a child," or something of that nature, in which case you can then make a verbal request for child support, since it takes a whole lot of money to raise a child too!

You may receive the silent treatment from the Garrulous Gossip from that point forward, but they are most likely just experiencing some much-needed growing pains. They will, of course, continue to gossip about you and your family, but they will probably be far less intrusive with you personally.

Don't get me wrong - it is wonderful to live within a community where people look out for one another and genuinely care about the safety and well-being of all residents. This does require a certain level of awareness and attentiveness. However, people who routinely snoop and gossip actually detract from the quality of the neighborhood, because they cause others to feel uneasy and distrustful. It is, of course, unlikely that you will say or do anything to directly change these people and their behaviors. But changing yours is worth the effort if it restores peace in your life and your family. Your home is the one place where you should be able to relax and unwind - without worrying that you are being spied on!

Published by Dr. Jamie Yvette - Featured Education Contributor

Dr. Jamie Yvette is a passionate and versatile writer whose expansive library on AC is a reflection of her diverse writing interests. View profile

Types of Nosy Neighbors and How to Deal with Them

(Without Resorting to Violence)

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