Types of Submissive Men and Women to Avoid When Looking for a Long Term Partner

I have discussed the types of submissives that people look for in BDSM relationships - http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/960740/bdsm_101_the_different_types_of_submissive.html?cat=7 . In this article we will be focusing on those types of submissives that do not really add a lot of fun or satisfaction to the life of a great many dominants. Please understand that most submissives will display some of the characteristics of some of these submissive types in balance with other personality traits.

The reason I am singling out these submissive types is because they would exhibit the one trait that would help us classify them to the exclusion of most other good traits that attract dominants. In other words, this is a warning to watch out for someone with no balance or your life will be filled with misery if this was not what you were looking for. Of course people will be looking for some of the things I mention here, so please do not think that I am being judgmental. If any of these personality or submissive types are what you are looking for I wish you luck and joy in your journey too.

The submissive control freak:

This is that submissive that will always want to tell you exactly how they want to be played with, how they want you to tie them up and how long they would like to play before you introduce the heavy flogger or whip. They give concise directions and know better than any dominant how to set up a scene. They will stop a scene to criticize the dominant's style or direct the dominant to change the pace or intensity.

Not only will they do this in a scene - they will also feel quite comfortable telling you exactly how they expect to be dominated out of scene or role. They will absolutely realize that they are topping from the bottom but will tell you that they signed up to submit to being played with and being told what to do, not to be disrespected by having their needs go unmet. Your needs as a dominant is not half as important as theirs and they will not admit to that if you confront them with this. As long as you do what they have outlined, you will be fine though.

These submissives are not real submissives though because they are in love with the idea of submission and would actually prefer to never give up control. They are dominants in disguise that like a good amount of attention without having to go through the effort of having to do this to others. This submissive is great for the new dominant that still wants to learn how to dominate someone effectively, as long as the dominant realizes he or she is only a service dominant. When you have enough experience it will be time to move on.

The Masochist:

Unless you want someone who you can beat into a pulp and who will love you for it and who you would not require to submit to you in any other way, this is probably not the best type of submissive to go for. This person is in it for the pain and the play and does not want to give up control or submit at all. There is nothing wrong with this and I know a few who openly admit to this and have a blast with their sadist partners. If you want a submissive that will submit to your needs and wants, this is probably not the one you are looking for.

"The Taming of The Shrew" Type:

This submissive is not into submitting easily. He or she wants to be forced and wants to test your boundaries all the time. This submissive will not admit to wanting to serve and will not be happy until you have beaten him or her into submission. Once you have done so the struggle begins again and there will be constant power struggles and punishments with this type of submissive. It will not change though as it does with some bratty submissives who balance out their brat side with excellent service. No, this guy or gal will never fully submit. This is a person who you will have to force till the day you decide you have had enough. If this is what you want, then great. I could just imagine you really being exhausted at the end of every day having had to force someone to do anything and everything you wanted him or her to do.

"Looking for Daddy/ My Savior/ A Therapist" type:

This submissive is definitely dysfunctional and probably not a good idea if you are looking for someone whole. This person has a life filled with problems and trauma, some of it created by him or herself and some of it the cause of other people taking advantage of him or her. The problem is that this person does not want any type of responsibility for the mess and is constantly looking for some type of savior to come in and save him or her - someone who will clean up the mess that he or she calls life. The problems never end too. As soon as one problem is fixed another will appear and so on. There is no rest here and the only consolation you have is that you will have someone to do your bidding at least most of the time when depression has not completely immobilized him or her.

The guilt-ridden slut:

This submissive is so caught up in being told what to do that he or she thinks that as a submissive they have no responsibility for making the relationship work. They are often filled with secret dark fantasies that they happily fulfill with you and justify as only having done what they were told to do. These submissives often have not accepted their kink or sexuality and will push you away after a scene or after sex because you are the cause of their agony and shame. Without you in their life they would not have done this. Without you in their life they would also be miserable because these kinky thoughts are so strong and they need to fulfill them, so they will find another dominant that they can push away after the fact.

Poor communicator

The last type of submissive I want to caution you against can be fixed. This person has just not learned how to communicate properly. It is a constant struggle at first to get this person to share anything. This submissive will get hurt in a scene and not say anything for fear of displeasing you. This will turn into resentment and still the submissive will not say anything. All the submissive will do is act out and you will not understand where it is coming from. Most of the time the submissive will not be able to tell you either. To have anything work with this person, you will have to do extensive work on communication dynamic. You will also need to institute some kind of reward system to help the process along. It will take a while and with a lot of work you just might have a great submissive on your hands. Do not go here if you do not want all the effort though or if you struggle with communication either.