UC Survival Guide for Guys: How to Hide Ulcerative Colitis Symptoms

As a guy with ulcerative colitis, I have many years of experience in hiding my symptoms and my disease from everyone under the sun, both before and after I was diagnosed. Sometimes you just don't want to share the intimate details of your medical history with others, and hiding ulcerative colitis isn't that hard once you've had some practice. Following are a few tips for hiding your UC symptoms in a variety of situations.

In Class

Whether you're sitting in a high school classroom or attending an educational seminar for work, guys can hide ulcerative colitis so that other students don't know what's going on. Your best bet is to sit in the back of the classroom during UC flares so you can sneak out the door without disrupting the rest of the class. Of course, this might not be possible in junior high and high school, so you might let your teacher know that you occasionally have to use the restroom so he or she can excuse you without a barrage of questions.

At the Office

Your colleagues don't need to know about your private life, and you don't need to tell them you suffer from ulcerative colitis, which can be a painful admission for any guy. To avoid probing questions and behind-the-hand whispers, you should request an office that is close to a restroom or, if you work in a large office, you might want to use bathrooms on different floors. Keep your medication locked in a desk drawer, and avoid communicating with physicians at the office.

During a Party

Parties are one of the social engagements where guys might definitely want to hide ulcerative colitis. But with all of those people gathered in such a small area, how can you possibly accomplish this, especially if you have a date? The first thing is to not panic, and the second step is to find an acceptable bathroom. Most parties are held at homes or in offices with two floors, so your best bet is to use the bathroom on the floor where the fewest people are gathering. If you have a date, return to her side with a cup of punch or a plate from the snack table so she doesn't suspect you were in the bathroom that long.

At Home

Your family cares a great deal about you, but many guys are uncomfortable sharing ulcerative colitis with anyone, including family members. While at home, you can hide ulcerative colitis by keeping to yourself and using the most remote bathroom possible. For example, if I don't want my wife to know I'm suffering, I use our bathroom in the master suite at the back of the house.

On a Date

This is definitely a situation where most guys would want to hide ulcerative colitis, especially if this is your first social engagement with the woman of the hour. First, you'll want to take her some place where bathrooms are available, such as a restaurant or a coffee shop. Avoid parks, movie theaters or outdoor recreation where finding a bathroom might be a problem, or where missing part of the date could ruin it.

When you have to use the restroom or take your medicine, excuse yourself politely to make a phone call. This gives you more time than usual to use the bathroom without arousing suspicion, but make sure to apologize profusely for your rudeness. To make it up to her for leaving her at the table alone, come back with a special desert, a nice bottle of wine or a single rose. This shows that you weren't purposefully ditching her.

In a Meeting

Another instance where guys might need to hide ulcerative colitis symptoms is during an important meeting. You don't want your colleagues or boss to know that you need to sit on the toilet for 20 minutes, but leaving without an explanation could get you canned. One way to finesse this situation is to excuse yourself to get something from your desk, or to return an important phone call that simply can't wait.

Alternatively, guys can hide their ulcerative colitis from everyone except their immediate boss, who will understand when you need to take a bathroom break. It might be better to let just one person in on your condition than to risk angering upper management.

While Driving

Long road trips are nightmares for guys with ulcerative colitis, but you can hide your symptoms from even the most intuitive of road mates. One tip is to drink plenty of water or soda during your drive, which gives you an excuse (other than painful diarrhea) to stop and use the restroom. You can also insist on the scenic route and stop numerous places to see the sights. No one will think it's strange that you choose to maximize each opportunity to relieve your bladder (among other things).

During a Movie

I mentioned above that it is not easy for guys to hide ulcerative colitis on a date or outing if you go to the movies, but you can't avoid the theater forever. If a much-anticipated flick has just hit the box office, by all means see the movie, but you'll need to be creative about hiding your UC symptoms. One way to do this is to excuse yourself quietly, use the restroom, then return with your arms filled with treats from the snack bar. Long lines are expected at the theater.

At the Bar

When guys' night out rolls around, you might be wondering how you're going to hide ulcerative colitis symptoms from your best friends. You're in a relatively small room with nothing but a bottle of tequila to separate you from a much-needed bathroom break, but the guys are going to notice if you don't come back for 20 minutes. To help avoid unwanted questions, involve your friends in a rousing game of pool or darts, then slip away quietly. Booze dulls the mind anyway, and it's easy to lose track of time.

During a Ball Game

Guys love their sports, and it's never as fun in front of the television as it is at the stadium. Of course, this presents a unique set of obstacles for hiding ulcerative colitis. When you're in this situation, your best bet is to excuse yourself when your friends or family members are caught up in the excitement of the game. Long lines and even longer walks are expected with ballpark and stadium restrooms, and you can always explain your tardiness by stopping to buy a T-shirt or a big foam finger.