Ugly Breakups as the Term Bunny Boiler

Giving the wrong impression and making promises to your partner might cause future problems. When you think the time is right to move on, try to make sure there are no ill feelings...or else!

There are more risks to be endured in dying or broken relationships than a lot of young people may realize. Aside from the heartache and emotional baggage, bad breakups can actually affect the rest of your life, if you don't play your cards right. At the beginning of ant relationship, you naturally see only the good side of your new partner. This includes how she makes you comfortable and in a good mood just by the thought of seeing her for lunch. Of course, the hot and steamy bedroom narrative is also going to be fresh and fun. But have you ever wondered what she is really capable of, like, if you broke her heart? If you haven't, perhaps you better start thinking about that because things could turn nasty real quick.

Ugly breakups are often bad regardless and may bring about some form of paranoia or result in desperate acts by your ex to get your attention. She may end up really intruding on your personal space - I've heard of one that would call her former beau every five minutes and bombard him with disturbing messages. If you think, perhaps, that it was the manner in which you handled the breakup, you could be right. But, then again, she could have just been long before was that you were dating a person capable of really making your life miserable, sometimes in a very frightening way: meet the "bunny boiler."

The term bunny boiler arose from the popular movie of the 1980s, Fatal Attraction. For those who haven't seen the film, it was made famous by Dan Gallagher (Douglas). The "relationship" might only have been a one-time, extramarital, steamy trust, but Alex thought there was more (or just desperately wanted there to be more to the relationship). She realized that Dan wasn't falling for her more diplomatic manipulations and soon began terrorizing Dan's wife (Ann Archer) and family. The bunny boiler term comes from the scene where Alex literally boils the family pet bunny to get Dan's attention after he repeatedly refuses to see her or take her calls.

If you think this fictional scenario will never happen to you, then you might want to consider Paul Duddridge's book Ever Dated a Psycho? The book is a collection of true-life tales of dates and partners from hell. Clearly something has changed in relations between the sexes. Back in the day, a man could expect a slap in the face from an upset woman. But now, women may attack a man in many ways. One modern favorite is to get into and mess with his phone and e-mail contacts. One contributor to Ever Dated a Psycho? Told about the time he was dating a girl for just a few weeks when, "One morning I woke up and checked my mobile for messages. When I looked in the contacts list all the numbers for females had been deleted. She had even deleted numbers that were my family, like my mom and grandmother. She said I didn't need any other girl's numbers now." He made his excuses and left, for good. Duddridge's book is filled with a wellspring of info and experiences emphasizing how "wonderful girls" can turn into horrid monsters overnight. But one thing to keep in mind is that men are also capable of doing ugly things and probably are more dangerous.

This is a caution for all would-be bunny boilers that what you are doing and what you might do, certainly is something that needs to be addressed by a mental-health professional, or perhaps, a long relaxing vacation on an island far, far away.

Many of us may never really know the true feelings of our partners when the relationship is in the early stages and, sometimes, being in a relationship for many years still requires a lot of learning. Being too forward, in the very early stages, in terms of caring and showering too much affection, can also invite trouble. Avoid promises or making plans to someone you hardly know. One might consider you her ultimate "knight in shining armor" and will never want to leave you, but that can become an unhealthy obsession eventually. Taking it slow will bring added benefits for your future together, and maintaining good communication is obviously essential.

So how can men prevent the bunny boiler scenario?

Without a doubt, running away will just create more problems. Dealing with the situation and stating the obvious facts and reasons might be useful depending on how severe the attacks or harassment were. Bad breakups equally devastate women and men, but bunny boilers are an extreme case. If you are not the one who got hurt, she might be hurting, or feel extremely jealous. These are the seeds that can bring about irrational acts when the person becomes overly desperate. When the bunny boiler strikes, you will likely not be the only one to suffer the consequences. Your best friends, your colleagues or your relatives could also be harassed - even in some form of danger if she's crazy enough.

When the end of your relationship appears imminent, it is vital that you spend time talking through it all in a careful manner so you reach a compromise and an amicable breakup. Understand that not all of us can deal with heartbreak in rational ways, especially when it comes to love and lust. You probably won't be able patch things up, and that has to be clearly understood by both parties, but you could always try to remain friends, at least for a while, and than just gradually move on.