Ugly Xmas Sweater Parties Reduce Holiday Casualties

Wear ugly Xmas sweaters at your own risk. Follow these 5 guidelines for tacky sweaters or throw an ugly Christmas sweater party where you can break all the rules.

Abide by the age exception for ugly Xmas sweaters: After a certain age, you wear what you want to wear so seniors get a pass on all the ugly sweater rules. At the other end of the spectrum, small children don't know how you're dressing them but you'll have to do some explaining if they see the pictures someday. Similarly, you can get a dog to wear just about anything but should you?

Note the humor exception for all ugly sweaters: If you're making fun of the sweater it's not the same as the sweater making fun of you. Of course, that will only be clear if you follow the next rule.

Choose the right setting: An ugly Christmas sweater party may be the outlet you need if you spend more on novelties than on food. Within the privacy of your own home, you may also want to indulge but think of the children.

Beware of sequins and other hazards: Many tasteless sweaters achieve their effect through sequins, glitter and dangling embellishments. Sequins add pounds. Allover sequins add pounds all over with no regard for where they may be attractive or unattractive. No matter how much people like your costume, refrain from letting any part of it dip into the punch bowl or other buffet items. Proceed with caution around furniture and filing cabinets so you and your wardrobe survive the holidays in one piece without any snags or falls. Remember, alcohol does not make you a safer dancer.

Balance your ugly Christmas sweater: Some borderline tops can be redeemed when worn with restraint. Pair them with understated solid black pants or skirts, little or no jewelry and flats. Under no circumstances wear a loud sweater with one of those drugstore Santa Claus pins with the red noses that light up unless you graduated from an accredited clown college. I once saw an Oprah episode with several guests claiming they got fired for relatively harmless behavior at the office holiday party. Maybe they were all really wearing reindeer sweaters. Maybe not.

Ugly Xmas sweaters can be a gateway to the harder stuff like fuzzy reindeer antlers and jingle bell hats. Life may be a party, but it's not an ugly Christmas sweater party.