Uncalled-for Content

Drat! Did I miss another of those famous content calls? Yessiree, Herb, I sure did. That's really a pity, because I had a crackerjack recipe (in which, ironically enough, the addition of crackerjacks is strictly optional) for bacon and Brussels sprouts-just the very thing the call for content was calling for.

Well, never mind, I do not think my mysteriously-constant readers should be deprived of my culinary expertise, just because I view being at the switch as an excellent opportunity to catch a few winks. So, here goes, my moderately callifragilisticexpialigocious recipe for that stuff. Pay attention, this will go quicker than you think.

Preparation

First you need to buy, steal, rent or adopt a pot-belly pig, a junkyard dog, a great white shark or some other pet voracious enough to eat anything. This is a very important step. Skimping or fudging is emphatically disallowed here.

Next, obtain the following ingredients:

1 lb. of thick-sliced, unenhanced bacon; the actual brand is unimportant, except to the manufacturer, whom you should picture hopping frantically around, shouting, "Pick mine! Pick mine!"

One can (preferably full) of water chestnuts;

One package of chicken livers;

One package (the smaller, the better) of Brussels sprouts;

A bottle of soy sauce;

A box of toothpicks (Dental floss, while it may perform the same function, is not acceptable in this context.);

A bottle of cooking sherry.

Execution

Fry up the bacon "Brit-style," which means hardly at all. Pour out the excess grease and place the barely-cooked strips in a bowl of marinade, consisting of your soy sauce and about three glorps of cooking sherry. Yes, your narrator will continue to refer to the stuff on which you love to get falling-down drunk in the evening as "cooking sherry," okay?

Next, fry up the chicken livers until they look done.

Stick the bacon and the marinade into your refrigerator, along with the chicken livers, then forget about them or perhaps that really embarrassing thing you said last week at the office, just as long as you forget about something.

When you finally get around to retrieving the meat & marinade mixture, remove the former and dispose of the latter. Keep the livers close at hand.

Pre-heat your oven to 350 kilotons (Just checking to see if you're paying attention.), and while you are waiting for the desired temperature, cut the bacon strips in half. Horizontally, Einstein! At that point, you wrap each marinated half-strip around a water chestnut and a chunk of chicken liver, then impale the whole thing on a toothpick. When you run out of one ingredient or another, put all the toothpick things on a baking sheet and cook until golden brown or your favorite show comes on.

Finally take the container of Brussels sprouts and feed them to your voracious pet. It's not like any people are going to eat those foul-tasting things.

And there you have my very special recipe for Brussels sprouts and bacon. Bona petite!

Sources

The Encyclopedia of Poison Control

Own experimentation