Uncharted: Drake's Fortune Review

So instead of Laura Croft (running around with the baller .45 caliber pistols from the game hitman and her ridiculously short jungle shorts) you get to assume the role of Nathan Drake (a charismatic obsessive with perfect Ben Aleck hair who runs like a gay German hustling to watch hogans heroes) but the simple fact of the matter is that unless the main character has the assorted body parts of every major popular porn star and actress who runs around naked the entire game delivering honey, the sex of your character really shouldn't be that big of an issue.

The game opens up with one of several nicely produced cutscenes, showing once again the kind of potential this monolith the PS3 has. You could in fact skip every cut scene because enough dialog and action go on during game play that you'd have to have a severe case of Alzheimer's not to get what this game is all about. That is, what every treasure hunting and gunning game/movie/book has ever been about. Simply take Raiders of the Lost Ark but replace Harrison Ford with a younger, less bad ass character, supply the bad guys with numerous immigrants, add a Pirates of the Caribbean twist, and bam!!! Uncharted.

Even though the story has been done and done like my ex-girlfriend after a bible study, it's one that never really gets old. I don't know about you but I could never get tired of Raiders, my wife maybe but never Raiders. I did mention to skipping the cutscenes but you'd actually regret it if you did, because these actually pull it off and not as far as being so deliciously beautiful. There's plenty of generic but hilarious dialog and interesting character development, even though there really is no growing of any kind, you just think there is.

The cover system matches up perfectly with Gears of War, thank you Zeus!!! I'll be sure to slaughter some goats and a virgin this weekend, but in all seriousness this game really does nail the cover system scheme I've been longing for game developers to steal. It's simple and very effective and you never blame the game for any kind of foul up because it'd be your own... noob.

Puzzles are still very interesting as far as the genre goes and at times a bit hard but all you have to do is look at the scene and it shouldn't take you but 5 fucking minutes to figure it out and if thats enough to turn you off then have mommy put up your console and study for your spelling B you twat.

The graphics are amazing, enemies do tend to look like plump stick figures now and then with borderline realistic reactions and movements but the scenery truly makes you appreciate todays technology and then you start to wonder why this science or at least the drive doesn't go toward the cure for cancer(?) The water effects are truly the greatest I've ever seen. In fact I would have forgiven the game had you spent half the time on the seadoo going up the realistic river with rapids and all, it looked that good. Not only that but when Nathan drake himself is wet, it's scary. His clothes look dead on but his hair still remains perfectly in place, making you wonder why you even survived all those head shots other than the fact you're playing a fucking video game.

The little twist I mentioned earlier in this review was a tad bit unnecessary and had I the power to chose whether or not to keep it in I would have at least made it more realistic and not as far fetched. I know most of you wont even play this game, if you in fact read all my juvenile gaming praise and bashing it's for some other amusement so I'll go ahead and tell you this big plot twist. Turns out the treasure Nathan Drake is looking for is cursed. Oh My God!!! Didn't see that coming. It's not so much the twist as it is the curse itself I didn't agree with the most. Don't worry, even though I gave away the twist I wont tell you what the curse is itself, but trust me when I say it's hardly original and you can probably guess what it already is.

One thing this game is getting beef for, and not from me, is the game's enemy's. Amongst the army of minority's, there's one white baddy and yes he is the head honcho, go figure. But literally every non whitey is represented from blacks to Chinese and when you finally realize that this will be the basis of the bad guys you laugh while picturing drake in a KKK uniform. I can see why people would get offended at a typical white guy gunning down wave after wave of minority's so he can take whats essentially money from them, but honestly is our society that messed up to where we're calling video games racist? Lets just call Black Hawk Down a white supremacist recruiting video.

Uncharted has no multi player and I suck it's balls for doing so, because it doesn't need one and to include one would be criminal. Yes the cover system is that of Gears of War, an outstanding multi player. But to give this fascinating video game a multi player would be parallel to having J.K. Roweling be the author of the Hobbit for Lord of the Rings.

score: 9.3

recommendation: The game in my opinion is a rare breed with a safe but solid entertaining story that will have me popping it back into my PS3 over and over again when the gaming industry has dry months for releases.