Understand and Deal with Your Teenager

The teenager years; infamous for being the toughest years of childhood, for both the young adult, and the parent - but there are ways of making it through these tough adolescent years, with your relationship still firmly in tact, as this article aims to prove.

Now, before you start thinking about bonding with your teen, it's important you understand why these years are so hard - while we were all teenagers, once, the truth of the matter is that times are changing; being a teen now is no doubt very different to how it was for our generation, and, while a lot of the same core problems remain (e.g. bullying, peer pressure, and that ever-evident lack of self-worth), they're evolving beyond what the older generations may remember.
The most important thing to bear in mind, however, is that your teenager needs your help in discovering their identity - these years are fraught with confusion, often vented in the form of anger, and, unsurprisingly, a heated argument simply won't make things better.

With so many decisions to be made, in these years, it may not necessarily be surprising that the stress is getting to them - don't be fooled by muttered words of reassurance - a simple 'I'm fine, leave me alone!' does not give you an excuse to pick up on their manners, or give a window for an argument - however, it does give you the opportunity to work your way to the root of their problem; just remember that tact is key!

Starting a simple discussion about their plans for the future, perhaps the subjects they're taking may give you an insight to their thoughts, fears and ambitions, and even the insecurities they're facing.

Another important point to remember is to treat your teenager as an equal - this way, you can't be accused of mistrust, and, if they do have any problems they wish to discuss with you, it's on their own terms; something that promises to make the whole process much easier.

You'll also do well to remember your adolescent is caught in a state of limbo - on one hand, they wish to be seen as their own person, independent, and capable of standing on their own two feet, and yet, on the other, they're forced to rely on you for a lot of things - whether this is money, food, or emotional support. You can help with this, however, by accepting their attempts at maturing; whether this is by letting them get a part-time job or allowing them to do the weekly food shop; just make sure this is their idea, you don't want to force them into anything they're not ready for.

The main objective is to remain patient with a struggling adolescent, whether they express themselves through aggressiveness, ignorance, or simply refusing to open up, shouting won't help anyone, and allowing them to see just how much they're getting to you isn't likely to help, either. Just be as supportive as they allow you to be, and remember, this 'rough patch' won't last forever!

Source: Psychologies, November 2007.