Understanding Body Language in Oppositional Children

Understanding the body language used by an oppositional child is critical to understanding what the source of their opposition is, and, consequently, what to do about it. If a child demonstrates pseudo-oppositional physical behaviors, they may be simply seeking more attention. This is typically clear from ambivalence or otherwise ambiguously oppositional behavior. If a child demonstrates genuinely oppositional behavior - resisting without resting - it is a good indicator that they are truly distrustful of authority figures and unlikely to capitulate in response to acts of kindness.

In the first case, it is important to show a child love and support in the face of their apparent rejection. They may appear to want distance and disconnection from you or other parental/authority figures, but they are (in reality) testing your reactions: they want to verify that you care. As such, it is clearly critical to demonstrate that you do in fact care - both through words and through actions. Supportive statements as well as encouraging body language and gestures are critical to accomplishing this. Patience is critical in this case, as the child is not trying to provoke a reaction, but is rather after affection. A child in such a situation will frequently fold under pressure, crossing their arms and lowering their eyes.

In the second case, you have to be clear about boundaries and conditions for positive behaviors. Quite simply, you need to (without being too harsh or otherwise overbearing) communicate that their oppositional behavior won't gain them anything or cause you to react in any desired fashion. This means, in short, not giving in to obvious attempts by a child to manipulate the situation and create a reaction. If the child feels they are in control of the situation, they will manipulate this to their advantage. Staying in control for a parent both means remaining in control of body language and linguistic cues. A child in this situation will not back down easily, and will often take aggressive stances.

It is important to determine from the start what reaction you are seeing, in order to pursue the proper course of action. This means reading boy language properly and looking for subtle clues. If you stifle or smother a child who actually wants some distance you risk worsening the existing risk. Conversely, if you ignore a child who is simply seeking attention you risk confirming their worst fears. Either way, a parent should remain calm and collected at all times. When in doubt, contact a qualified psychologist for assistance. Additionally, there are many online or text sources of further information. Above all, avoid misdiagnosing the situation - this can exacerbate the existing situation.