Understanding Co-Dependency and Co-Dependent Spouses

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. Co-Dependency can also be an emotional and behavioral condition which affects a persons ability of having a mutually-satisfying relationship. Co-dependent people often form relationships that are one-divided, emotionally-destructive, and/or abusive: physically or emotionally. This behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display it. It can be a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress.

Dysfunctional families are ones that its members would suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame which has been ignored and not acknowledged. Also, there are other problems that typically include drug addiction, alcohol addiction, relationship problems, work problems, sexual problems, compulsive gambling; the existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse; or a family member suffering from a chronic, physical, or mental illness. People in dysfunctional families detach themselves, they don't feel or confront emotions, don't trust anybody, and don't acknowledge that problems exist. This in turn significantly increases the risk of co-dependency.

An adult who is co-dependent has a tendency to be involved in a relationship with a person that is unreliable, emotionally unavailable or is needy. Why? Because co-dependent people try to provide and control everything in the relationship without addressing their own needs, which sets them up for continued involvement in the relationship. This is why many co-dependent relationships result in disaster.

When a co-dependent person encounters or becomes involved with a person who is "healthy" or has healthy boundaries, they still operate on their own system. Although a co-dependent usually will not get involved in a "healthy" relationship it does sometimes happen. The involvement of a co-dependent person in a relationship with a "healthy" person is set up for disaster. The co-dependent wants to control the other person but unfortunately the other person will not allow it which causes the co-dependent person to get upset.

Co-dependent behaviors such as low self-esteem are often the result of a situation that the co-dependent person has grown up in. They look to anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. Co-dependency causes people to start developing behaviors that are the result of a psychological state of mind where a person acts against their will or desires and the source of behavior receives great emotional pain along with stress. Co-dependency can be difficult for both the co-dependent person and his or her spouse.

For information on where to get help for co-dependency there are many resources on the web. From websites that are geared especially toward helping you understand co-dependency to books that explain how to deal with this problem, there is a vast amount of information available for anyone that is interested in learning more about this epidemic!