Understanding the Effects of Hypervigilance on Personal Relationships

Hypervigilence, a predominant factor in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is a person's extremely intense awareness of his surroundings, as if his eyes, ears, and responses have been systematically trained as "antenna," ever on the alert. While the initial cause begins as a means of being alert to potential threat or danger, those who have not progressed in recovery can carry this defense-mechanism throughout life, wreaking havoc on his personal relationships.

There are two potential manifestations of this problem; and neither is easy for one's "significant other" to deal with, especially if she is not armed with the facts of what the problem is and from where it came.

In a new relationship, where both of the parties are average, normal, and free of unresolved psychological difficulties, one of the clearest signs that it is a healthy relationship with a good chance of success is "I only have eyes for you" is the reality. Regardless of one's age, gender, or any other personal circumstances, a couple who is truly "into each other" and into their relationship can recognize this wonderful factor in themselves, in each other-- and it is apparent to those around them. The couple is caught up in the freshness of their new relationship, often to the extent of being almost oblivious to who or what is around them.

In the first manifestation of hypervigilence, a person lacks the ability to connect to his partner in this manner, for his senses are trained on everything and everyone around him. For the person who is the healthy partner in such a relationship, feeling that he "does not even notice that she is there" can be painful and confusing. At the worst end of the spectrum, she may begin to believe she is doing something wrong, causing her to not warrant his attention.

On the opposite side of the coin, the other manifestation can be equally destructive to both the relationship itself and the individuals involved, in a much different manner. The person with the symptom of hypervigilence, while keeping his focus on the external, may exhibit his need to point the other person out as being "his"-- instead of joy over their togetherness, his focus is on "involving the world" in his relationship, that it is "not about" the couple themselves. For those who have manipulative or abusive tendencies, this can be devastating to the healthy party who is suddenly in the very real position of feeling isolated, "owned" by the other's stance of holding her out as his possession or property; and the scenario is much worse if he has a predisposition for deception and control, as he may use "involving the world" to push a relationship on the other person when she is not interested, in terms of "Everybody believes we are together."

In a nutshell, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a very serious condition, from which one can gain full recovery if he or she takes all the necessary steps to do so; but when one is not inclined to put his time into the therapy or counseling, the outreach and interaction, the personal journey, it is a condition which will not only worsen with time but will make it virtually impossible for him to have healthy, successful relationships.