Understanding is the Key to Coping with Loneliness

Every person on earth has experienced loneliness. For some it's temporary, for others, it seems to last a lifetime. Though there's no true way to overcome loneliness, understanding loneliness is the first key to managing it and minimizing it in your life.

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is a state in which no one else is around. The state can be temporary, and can occur for various reasons. A person might be alone because he's on a business trip, or because others have yet to arrive to a gathering. Being alone doesn't usually trigger negative feelings. In fact, some people prefer to be alone at times because they need "me time," or they want to get work done without distractions. Not every person who is alone is lonely. Being alone can at times be welcoming, but it also might trigger loneliness.

Loneliness is a condition occurring when a person is alone or in a crowd. A lonely person feels socially isolated from the rest of the world. Loneliness is a state in which a person feels that he has no one that he can trust, confide in, lean on, or share his life with. Emptiness often accompanies lonely feelings. Loneliness is a mental occurrence, which feeds itself and further isolates the lonely person from any chance of ending the loneliness. Even once the lonely person finds a friend or mate, he will most likely sink back into the loneliness in due time.

There are two types of loneliness: state loneliness and trait loneliness. State loneliness is a situational loneliness that can manifest from being alone. If a woman arrives at a party, but none of her friends are there yet, she might experience state loneliness. If a man takes a cruise vacation alone, he might encounter state loneliness within the first hours. These situations are curable and most likely temporary, if the person experiencing them makes friends in the normal way that they do in any other given situation. However, sometimes these types of situations can lead to trait loneliness, which is a psychologically engendered loneliness, born out of a failure to properly socialize as a child or out of failure to adapt to a dramatic occurrence in the person's life.

A person might develop trait loneliness if he moves to a new city, and is unable to ever figure out how to make new friends. He starts to hate going out, he resents others who find it so easy to go out and makes friends, and he begins avoiding social situations; however, all the while, he longs for a social connection. Trait loneliness could also develop when a spouse or loved one dies. People can alienate themselves from their friends and family if they feel they haven't reached a level of success in their lives that others would be proud of. Whatever the reason, the loneliness sets in, and the person perceives himself as different, less deserving, or less skilled than others.

People coping with loneliness often think the cure to their loneliness lies in obtaining some allusive thing. A woman might think she wouldn't be lonely if she had a husband; however, she marries and discovers that she's still lonely. Next, she decides she'd be less lonely if she had a child. The child arrives, and yet, she's still lonely. A man might think the answer can be found in finding the perfect mate, but after he sleeps through hundreds of women, he's still lonely. In their search for their cure for loneliness, they wind up hurting many other people.

It's not comforting to hear that everyone experiences loneliness at some point in life; however, knowing this can help you to see that it is possible to cope with loneliness. You see happy, socializing people, who seem to function in the world better than you do, and you get discouraged. You shouldn't. Instead, use them as models of hope for yourself, because each one of them battles the same thing you do: loneliness. No one is immune, not even the hot guy on the cover of all the magazines. Once you understand that no one is blessed with happiness while you're cursed with emptiness, you can start learning to cope with your loneliness.

The most critical step in battling your loneliness is realizing that, even though everyone deals with loneliness, only you can manage your own loneliness. You won't find a permanent fix in another person or drugs. You must learn your inner self, get in touch with your spirit, and learn to love yourself. The key to beating loneliness is to love your own company and to learn to be okay if you're on your own. Once you master that, then you can add people to your circle of happiness, and let them experience the joy you've discovered within yourself. Until you take this step, you have nothing to offer other people. Your relationships will continue to be empty, and you'll continue to feel lonely.

Instead of thinking you have to be alone, you're choosing to be alone, so that you can get to know the most important person in your life-you. You must begin to look at yourself in the mirror every day and say, "I love you. I don't love this situation, but I love you. You're the key to changing this situation. What can I do to make you happy today?" When you respond to yourself, you cannot say anything that involves another person or watching television.

Select activities like going to the park or museum, and treat yourself like you're on a date. However much planning you'd do for a date, do it for yourself. Buy yourself flowers, if you'd normally take flowers on a date. Don't think about problems or loneliness while you're out, because you wouldn't be thinking about those things on a date. If it feels uncomfortable at first, that's good. Sometimes there's a slight discomfort in healing.

The dates with yourself can be short and get longer as you get more comfortable. If you're afraid people are staring at you because you're alone, you're probably right. They are checking out the confident person across the room, wondering how they can get to know you. Let them look; you're on the best date of your life with the best person you know-you.

Secrets for Coping With Loneliness