Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not a mental illness. Rather, it is a personality disorder characterized by a total lack of empathy for others and an inflated sense of superiority and entitlement. However, not everyone who appears to lack empathy or acts like a snob is a narcissist. A degree of narcissism is present in all healthy individuals. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it is only considered a disorder when an individual displays five or more of the following characteristics:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is inter-personally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Unfortunately, the very symptoms of NPD often prevent it from being diagnosed. A person with NPD will be very unlikely to submit to a psychiatric evaluation, believing that he or she is "above" being evaluated. Therefore it is unreasonable to assume that a person does not have NPD simply because they have never been diagnosed. You must use your own judgment, be honest with yourself, and prepare for the worst if you suspect someone you know is a narcissist.

Narcissists are masters of disguise. They are often called chameleons because of their amazing ability to adapt to changing situations and fit in almost anywhere. One of the warning signs that someone is a narcissist is that they appear to be one person in a public setting, but become a completely different person the second they are in private. If you've ever been exposed to someone who acted this way, you probably were stunned into silence, not knowing whether to think this person was crazy, or if you were just imagining things. And if you've ever gotten into an argument with a narcissist, you've likely heard them swear up and down that they never said or did something that you know for a fact they did say or do. And you might have begun to wonder whether you were crazy.

If this is starting to sound familiar, keep reading. You probably know a narcissist or two.

People who have NPD often claim to be a victim, even when it's obvious that they are not. If you've gotten into an argument with a person, one that they started, and they then told you that you were the one that started it, or that you were being mean, abusive, or unreasonable, when you were not, then you were probably dealing with NPD.

One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is that they engage in almost automatic projection. Projection is a psychological term that simply means accusing someone else of what you are guilty of. If a narcissist is being stubborn, and you tell him he's stubborn, a narcissist will instantly tell you that you are stubborn. It's almost a reflex and it is very perplexing to the average person. Such reflexive projection is often characterized by nonsense. For example, let's say you are a very patient person. Your patience is so great that your friends tell you you're too patient and put with too much. But when you tell a narcissist that he is being impatient, he will call you the impatient one, even though it makes no sense to say.

Narcissists sometimes cross privacy and personal boundaries with impunity. They may ask personal questions or inappropriately share personal information about themselves. They may barge into a private conversation or walk into a room and begin rudely talking over others. Often such behavior gets excused as "They didn't know we were talking," which is most certainly not a valid excuse. This lack of empathy is another hallmark of NPD.

The American Medical Network estimates that only 1% of the general population has NPD, however, in clinical populations, it is as high as 16%. This seems to suggest that the prevalence of NPD in the general population is much higher, and those who have dealt with narcissists tend to agree. If you suspect someone in your life is a narcissist, check out some online forums such as Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and share your story. You might be very surprised.