Understanding What it Really Means When a Man Wants to Keep it Casual

In the sometimes confusing world of dating people say what they don't mean, can't figure out what they really want, and don't know exactly what they should expect. When the communication lines are crossed people at times cling to key phrases such as "It's not you it's me", or "I'm not ready for a relationship". This is your guide to understanding what men really mean when they say such phrases.

The Scenario
You're out with your girls and you see this fine looking man from across the room. You exchange smiles, and in your head at that moment you've decided that the quiet guy sitting in the corner is the one you'd want out of the bunch. Lots of men in the room and only one caught your eye. You dance for a few more songs..keeping your eyes on the prize. Finally before closing time you walk up to him and whisper in his ear "I'm mad at you...."and smile. He shakes his head and inquires laughing, "What?" "I'm mad at you because there are only two attractive men in here, one of which is you and you haven't danced with me." You exchange small talk and tell him to meet you after the bar lets out to talk. You meet outside and he asks if maybe he could take you out to dinner sometime. "My name is Tiffany, and I think it's best if I have a conversation before just going out on a date." "I'm Kevin and that sounds good."

The Good
So you start to pull away in the car and decide to call him, your friend meets up with his friend and you go out for food that night. From that night on you talk everyday, he's brought you lunch, and you see each other about every other night. You decide to stay the night and he comments about your eye make-up looking like the sunset and how he watched you sleep and daydreamed.

The Bad
Gradually he comes over later and later, saying he'll be over within the hour then shows up four hours later. He doesn't call when he said he would, and he spends more and more time with his "boys". Your head is left spinning over the next week as he clicks over to answer the other line at midnight, and something always comes up when he says he'll come over. He starts to get irritated when you ask him simple questions then blurts out "I want a relationship and family BUT NOT TODAY!"

The Ugly
A number of things could have been happening at this time. He could be seeing other females, he could have fallen for you too soon then got scared that he was in too deep too quickly, or he could just not care. To try and decipher this behavior is too much to handle. No matter what the reason for the distance-it's there andhe put it there. As a female at this point you might just have to accept the loss. The fact that he said he doesn't want a relationship is confusing because the week prior he was just ACTING like a boyfriend. Once a man sets the tone for a relationship it's difficult to deal with a change in behavior with no explanation. He might not even mean he's not ready for a relationship-he may mean that he needs some space, or that he's scared. Then again it could mean exactly that-he doesn't want a relationship with you.

The Conclusion
No matter what the reason for him saying what he did the reality is he said it. My mother always told me "If someone tells you something about themselves or says something negative about themselves who are you to tell them any different? They know themselves best."
Your best bet at this point is to move on until and unless he feels like talking about the matter and opening up to you. Give him his space that he so obviously needs at this point, and if it's meant to be he'll call or contact you and you will have an opportunity to talk it over. Otherwise just be more wise next time in balancing your approach, and level of involvement. As they say "Fools Rush In"...