Understanding the Significance of Arguing: Be Aware of Not Taking Things Personally

Have you ever really thought why we argue? Why is it so important to get OUR point across to the other person? When we argue, are we trying to convince the other person to be more like ourselves? And yet, can you really say that's always a good thing? Are we that perfect as a human being that we must demonstrate our perfection to others? Or is there something more going on? Is it our ego talking - our own insecurities?

When I was younger, I was labeled as a person who liked to argue. However, I never thought of myself that way. I just wanted to make sure the other person understood me or understood my point. As I have grown older, reading many books, especially the recent book "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle on ego, I have learned that when we take things personally, we feed our own egos and in turn feel an imbalance in the long run. They say through age comes wisdom. I offer you my wisdom "tips" on avoiding certain common mistakes we seem to focus on during arguments - mainly because we take things personally.

Pointing out Imperfections in Others

When we are finding fault in others, we are creating a sense of superiority in our own self. If it is a question of feelings being hurt, and you want to get your point across - make sure you state that right in the beginning so that is the first thing the other person hears. Not everyone listens well. So it may be important to let the other person finish their thoughts. Of course, it is important to understand yourself why you are taking something personally.

Now, when you hear you hurt someone's feelings, doesn't that make you realize that was not your intention? Most times, that is the case. However, other times, instead of choosing to express our feelings upfront, we lash out by trying to become superior and in turn hurt the other person's feelings intentionally. Yet, we know we didn't want to do that in the first place. Except, subconsciously we do.

Defensive

If you are simply stating what is true, there is no need to become defensive in your position. Once we go beyond stating our position, we start taking things personally - feeding our ego. We can even become aggressive in our position. However, ask yourself if you are really defending the truth or yourself? Once you become aware that you are really defending yourself, you will realize that it's not worth it to become defensive - because you know what is true. And that is what is important - not trying to convince a person who is feeling the same way about their own "truth".

As Eckhart Tolle states in "The New Earth", every time we take things personally we feed our egos. To find happiness in this confusing world, you want to let go of that feeling. All it does is keep you in the past. For true peace and harmony in our lives - let it go and live in the present - the now.