Understanding a Teen's Need for Privacy

As a teen myself, I know that teens should have just as much privacy as a grown adult.

Growing up, you're constantly striving for the trust of your parents. You want them to trust you to stay out a little longer, or go to a party that they know will be unsupervised. We try to earn this trust and in return, we trust you as well. Once you've violated our privacy, you've also violated our trust. We respected you and you have disrespected us. What kind of example does that show?

I understand that parents want to know what their child is up to and doing. What kind of people are they hanging out with on a regular basis? Are they sneaking out to do drugs or to have sex? Did they drink at that party we let them go to the other nigh? This kind of curiosity is normal and acceptable. However, this curiosity can dramatically decrease if you simply talk to your kid.

I know that it's one of those things that is easier said than done, but communication is a huge part of any relationship. Communication is the foundation that keeps things together. In order to know what is going on, you must talk to your child directly. If you want to know something, ask. Chances are you know your child pretty well. Probably well enough to know if they are lying. If you suspect that they are, press the subject. Maybe not right then...but eventually. If you press the subject right then, they'll just get defensive and lie to you some more.

If you invade your child's privacy, you will potentially destroy any relationship you had at all with them. This is another reason why the communication aspect is so important in a relationship. You must build on this foundation and the sooner the better. It has potential to make things easier in the future. When you build on communication, you're also building on trust, which as you know is also essential.

Now, I'm not saying you should just let your kid get away with anything. I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned at all. It's your job to be concerned, and I understand that. You're teen probably understands that too. The more you try to take control though, the more that your child will rebel. It's like when you force someone to go to church all their lives. Chances are they'll resent that. Another example is always giving your child an early curfew and being strict...once your child is in college, they're going to want to do everything they were never able to do. Again, this is another form of rebellion. Try to relax a little.

What I'm mainly trying to getting across here is that if you communicate with your child and pay more attention, maybe it'll pay off later on. If they respect you, cherish that and don't do anything that might tarnish that respect. Give them the privacy and trust they want, need, and deserve.

In today's world, parents are so busy with working. With cleaning the house. With paying the bills. With getting the other kids to practice. With everything else! That they may not be paying enough attention to their teen as a person or as a young adult. They may not be taking that extra time to get to know their kids. This is something that could prevent them from ever needing to intrude on privacy at all.

Also, think about this, how much do you really want to know? Everyone is entitled to his or her secrets. You are. Your child is. Just like everyone is entitled to his or her privacy. You are. Your teen is. I'm sure there are things that you don't want your teen to know about your life, so if you don't want your privacy invaded, don't invade theirs. You must come to the realization that they are going to be a young adult soon if not already.

It's never too late to build on a relationship, so start now if you feel you are lacking. Slow down from your life and maybe get inside your child's life a little more without having to pry where it's avoidable.