Undifferentiated but Never Indifferent Connective Tissue Disease

It is rather impossible to stay indifferent to a disease that has taken up residence in your body.
Oh, you can ignore it for as long as you like but it'll remind you sooner or later that it is the boss.
Undifferentiated Connective Tissue disease sounds rather mysterious and aloof almost uncaring whether it is present or not.
I assure you as swiftly as it assures me, that this disease in anything but aloof.
It has insinuated itself ever so slowly and insidiously over many years in my life.
It started out as minor throbbing joint pain in my hands.
No arthritis could be detected.
It manifested itself as Raynauds Disease. My hands, feet and nose can no longer tolerate a minutely chilly climate as they turn purple and dead white.
My mouth harbors clusters of tiny painful ulcers off and on without pattern or warning.
A low grade temperature that barely registers over the 98.6 line and usually hovers around 99.1 only serves to facilitate a whopping headache.
My spine has decided to distinctly curve to the left .
It harbors a large bone spur that is sclerosing to my left hip.
I look like I am ready to pick a fight when I stand in one spot.
My hip juts out to the left and I overcompensate by placing my hand on it.
The stance portrays a false, "don't mess with me" attitude.
People would laugh if they knew they could knock me over by just blowing on me!
I use shopping carts like walkers now in stores even if I only need a gallon of milk.
The milk is too cold for my hands to handle, the jug too heavy for my deformed thumb joints.
Throwing caution to the wind I sat in a "kiddie" pool with my grandson at high noon last weekend for an hour.
I was wearing sunscreen.
The disease was not indifferent to my cavalier attitude.
The Undifferentiated thing decided to act like Lupus and it leveled me for two full days.
After all these years I am still learning to respect the disease.
Do I where it like a badge? NO
It does not define me it is just a part of what I am.
It is my own immune system that has become confused and inept at protecting me from foreign invaders.
It must be so embarrassed to not know that it is attacking the very vessel it was created to protect.
I feel a little sorry for it so I try to be kind and understanding when making allowances for it's shortfalls.
When I forget, as I did on Saturday and throw caution to the wind and sit in the blazing sun it rebels and launches a full out attack.
Against me, against itself.
Medicines designed to fight these diseases can bring a persons immune system down to a barely functioning level.
Often, inviting bigger, more aggressive diseases to make itself at home.
I choose for now to forgo the "big guns" otherwise known as biologics such as Humira or Remicade.
I stick with a potent anti inflammatory, diclofenac sodium to keep the joint inflammation under control.
I try to use my brain and navigate life carefully while avoiding "triggers" that can exacerbate my condition.
Losing days to Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease can often be traced back to an unwise choice on my part. Such as:

Sitting in the sun.
Drinking alcohol.
Getting too little sleep.
Dancing too much at a wedding.
Lifting the babies in and out of the swing too many times in one day.
Cleaning the house for a whole day.
Working too long in the garden.
Going to the beach or pool.
Eating too much junk.
Drinking too much coffee.
Walking too far.
Shopping too long.
Pushing myself too hard.

Generally doing all the things that people just do in the course of living that adds a ton of enjoyment or sense of accomplishment must be curtailed in order to respect the disease.

Respecting the disease includes:

Knowing my limits.
Learning how to say, "no".
Listening to my body.
Accepting change.
Staying positive even when I am curled up in a ball on the couch.
Delegate chores to others.
Have fun in the shade, before 10:00 AM or after 2:00 P.M.
Sangria is not worth it, learning to love lemonade.
Dancing like Kate Gosselin instead of Michael Jackson and quitting long before the party is over!
Pushing myself just enough and then resting.

It's not like I let this thing completely take over. It only does when I act as though it is not there. When I respect the disease I am only respecting myself as well. To deny or hate something that is in essence "me" would give rise to self loathing. Or worse, self pity. That would be the ultimate worse complication of having Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. To allow it to control how I feel about myself as a person or to live in the fetal position on the couch is unacceptable to me. I'm still learning how to live with an immune system gone awry. The ultimate goal is to learn to live well within my limitations but always with one toe over the line.