Unhappy Peope in Life and Marriage

"I didn't cause it, I can't fix it". If we learn nothing else in life we should learn that some people are going to be unhappy most of their lives. No matter how much money you spend, or how much hard work you put in or how much you beat yourself up - you can't change an unhappy person to a happy person.

An unhappy wife is a person who is unhappy because they choose to be unhappy. In fact any unhappy person is unhappy because they choose to be. A psychotherapist might be able to help but the average person is powerless to change the unhappy to the happy. The mental and emotional mechanics of unhappiness are as complex as nuclear physics. It seems silly that any person would choose to be unhappy.

An unhappy wife doesn't know she has chosen to be unhappy. To such a person this is just how they are and always have been. In fact an unhappy person would not consider their state to be unhappy. In their minds they are as normal as any other person.

Some people in this world are able to cope with not having and some people are not able to cope with not having. Those unable to cope are the unhappy people. Nothing is ever enough for them. Things don't work out exactly like they want. People don't treat them the way they expect or want.

Take Marsha. Married, two beautiful kids, a doting husband who earns a great salary. She lives in an upscale neighborhood in an above average priced home. She has the luxury of not having to work and devotes her time to charitable organizations. They own two time-shares. But, she is always unhappy. Why?

It could be that she didn't have many friends growing up. Or, that she always felt her parents gave more to her older brother than they did her. Maybe it was that she was a tall skinny kid and the other kids laughed at her. Whatever it was, it has very little to do with her present life.

An unhappy wife is a person who wasn't happy before she was married. Marriage did not cause her unhappiness but it may have expanded it. In her mind marriage might have been the cure all to unhappiness and when marriage wasn't "exactly" what she imaged it to be she became more unhappy.

People tend to be unhappy when their expectations aren't met to the maximum. The raise you were promised turns out to be less than you expected will make for unhappiness. If your wife was expecting your raise to be much more she is unhappy. You kids, having heard that daddy was getting a raise and they could get new bikes would be unhappy if the raise wasn't large enough to afford the bikes.

Fixing an unhappy wife is like trying to drain the ocean one sand bucket at a time. Husbands can't do it. And, the really sad fact is that the more you try the more the unhappy wife becomes unhappy. Fixing unhappy person isn't "having" more stuff or "getting" more attention. In their mental makeup expectations are seldom ever met. If you give her flowers for Valentine's Day she wonders why you didn't bring two dozen roses instead of one dozen.

In marriage the best way to live with an unhappy mate is not to try to fix their unhappiness. Love them, be happy being with them, provide for them, do special things for them and overlook their unhappiness as you would a physical flaw. Trying to fix the unhappiness is beyond your ability. All you can do is accept it as the way they are and live with it.

What can you do to fix an unhappy wife? Nothing! Happiness is a state of mind and being inside a person. It is a choice a person has to make. They can choose, to put it one way, "in whatever circumstance you find yourself be satisfied" or choose to whine "why me".