Unrequited Love: How to Deal with Feelings for Someone that Doesn't Feel the Same Way

At some point or another, we've all experienced unrequited romantic feelings for someone else. It could be as simple as a crush or as crushing as love that goes on for months or years. While it's bold and healthy to put yourself out there, it's also easy to become a doormat - going out of your way to please someone that doesn't reciprocate your feelings. So when is enough enough?

To avoid this, you need to be objective. Hope is a beautiful thing but it can lead us astray if we rely too much on it. Deep down, we usually know when someone returns our feelings. But when they don't, we still take small positive signs and let ourselves run with it because we hope they like us. We see what we want to see because it makes us feel good and ignore all the flashing signs that they're actually not interested.

Remember that mixed signals don't always indicate mixed emotions. People are contradictory beings. Sometimes we are inconsistent and we say and do things that don't coincide. Put yourself in the shoes of the object of your affection. When someone gives you affection and attention, you usually don't dismiss them outright. You've probably led people on, either accidentally or on purpose. So don't mistake your crush's kindness, gratitude or even flirtation for interest.

Look for the signs. As painful as it might be, look for evidence that may indicate they're just not that into you. Chances are, if you're wondering, you can probably find some. Are you always the one initiating contact? Do they talk about being interested in other people? If these kinds of things are apparent, even if you're getting mixed signals, your feelings are probably one sided. You may be getting hints of possible interest but if they never go out of their way to spend time with you, it's probably meaningless fun to them. Because when you like someone, you put in effort.

Do the smart thing and not what feels good. Once you've gone back and analyzed your interactions like Joseph Gordon-Levitt in "500 Days of Summer" and seen them for what they really were, you're faced with a decision. You probably enjoy spending time with this person and you probably get joy out of making them smile and doing things together. But you have to face the fact that nothing will ever come of it, because they just don't like you that way. Even if they're too nice to say it.

So distance yourself even if it hurts, even if you feel like texting or seeing them, until your feelings fade or you find someone to focus your attention on that feels the same way. Otherwise, you'll just continue investing time, effort and emotion for someone that in the long run doesn't really matter.

Be reasonable and don't let yourself get caught up in something that is only promising in your head. You'll only be selling yourself short if you do.