Up with Global Warming

It is getting a bit crazy with all the new hype surrounding Global Warming. I am not sure if there really is any global warming, or what is causing it, but I am sure that it is a good thing for the near term. Although without it some politicians have nothing to discuss, with it we help out the economy.

Think about it for a second. If the climate was hotter, there would be no winter. In the winter we would all be wearing Speedos and tank tops. With more people outside, there would be more people spending money on consumer goods such as sun block. The overall threat due to tanning beds would diminish as everyone would have natural tans. No one would be wasting lots of money on fossil fuels due to the fact no one would be running heaters. If it is already hot, why would we need to add more heat?

Unfortunately, we are not to the point of celebrating the global warming phenomena yet. It is now April, and it is colder and snowier out east than it was at Christmas. What this country needs to do is to contribute to Global Warming. I do not want to see snow at all, let alone in April! We need to increase our pollution output right now. Never shut off your car, drive the largest SUV you can afford, and NEVER - I repeat NEVER - take your finger off the trigger of an aerosol can. Listen to the politicians. Listen to what they claim is causing this so called warming, and abuse those causes to the extreme. If we all begin to do this, it will be summer in winter in no time.

We all must unite and make this happen together. Please tell everyone in your local village to pollute as much as possible. Keep reminding every single person on the street of the benefits of summertime in the winter. Get the bicyclists off the road and into cars, or at the very least mopeds. Find all the econo-safe electric cars in the winter and get abusive to the drivers. They need to know they are the cause of the cold and ice in the winter. If you see a beat up old pickup dumping out thick black smoke, take the driver out for a meal. Remember do not go into the restaurant, go through the drive through and eat the meal in the old timer's truck with the engine running.

It will not happen over night, but if we all band together we can make it happen sooner. I will be doing all I can do to bring summer to winter, but it will take the collective power of the entire population to make it happen correctly.