Update on the Status of Planet Pluto

Earlier this week, I reported on the possible injustice against the planet Pluto that the planet was in danger of losing its planetary designation all because it hangs on the fringes, acts like other object in the Kuiper belt and has a wonky elongated orbit. I surmised that the fact that it has a moon, Charon, makes it more worthy of designation as a planet than Mercury, the moonless wonder that hangs onto the sun like a puppy on a tit.

The reason that Pluto was in danger of losing its designation as a planet is that over 2500 astronomers from 75 countries are meeting in Prague to define the definition of a planet. It was originally thought that the status of Pluto was in danger of losing it's planetary designation at the hands of an intolerant scientific community who wanted to pick on the little guy for daring to march to his own orbital plane. They would like you to believe that I couldn't have been further from the truth in my previous article. They are trying to set themselves up as the good guys. I see right through them though. My hat is off to them though. They tried. Indeed, those shameless few who miss this article will likely buy into their hate propaganda. Those who make such decisions (always with me in mind) would have you believe I am far less tolerant than the astronomers in Prague.

On August 24th the astronomers will be voting on a new definition of planet that makes me , on first glance, look like an intolerant bitch that we all see in Ann Coulter to their fun little liberal, free loving, war hating Jeanine Garafolo. Why? Because through being overly tolerant, they manage to dodge all of the claims of intolerance. They are very sneaky, yet in a way they are right. I DO think maybe the tolerance can go too far. Here's an example. Under the new definition for the term "planet", every round object orbiting the sun is a planet, unless it orbits another planet. But there is a big caveat: If the center of gravity, called the barycenter, is outside the larger object, then the smaller object is a planet. In other words, if we shot Rosie O' Donnell into space, she could be designated as a planet. (Was that mean? I think maybe that was mean)

Scientists expect to find hundreds if not thousands of other bodies matching this description in the outer solar system during the next few decades. Furthermore, some of the bodies currently called moons could be given planetary status. Charon, Pluto's largest moon would be elevated from moon status to planetary status. (By the way, I stand corrected from my previous article. Hubble has found two more moons orbiting Pluto, Nix and Hydra. (Nix's name apparently meant to make us think more diminutively of Pluto and Hydra, a reference to a mythological dragon with multiple heads… a name obviously designed to scare us. Don't tell ME there isn't an anti-Pluto conspiracy going on! I'm on to you, you Pluto haters!).

Under the new rules, as the moon retracts from earth and creates its own barycenter, in time even our own moon could be considered a planet. I wonder what they will call it?

In my opinion, the new rules are sly, but their purpose doesn't get by me. The Astonomers are OBVIOUSLY Pluto haters in sheep's clothing. By letting EVERYONE into the club they effectively take away the power of the club's exclusivity. In other words, Pluto can be a planet, but so what? So could Oprah Winfreys head. Brilliant strategy, except for one thing. I'm on to you! You are the same folks who would suggest that Irish people be invited to join the NAACP, or that Israel be invited to join the Arab League with full member privileges. In your world, Jesse Jackson would be invited to be the grand master of the Ku Klux Klan, and Pedophiles and Beastophiles would be considered A-OK, born that way and welcomed with open arms into the GLBT community. In fact, they would call it the GLBTBP community, and the Pride parades would be that much more interesting. Yes indeed, there IS a thing as too much tolerance.

Luckily I am on to the agenda of these Pluto hating scientists. Once again I say. LEAVE THE LITTLE GUY ALONE! I see no one is saying anything about Mercury. Is Mercury calling the shots here? Whose REALLY calling the shots. Pluto is a hard working planet…. Has to travel further around the Sun than any other planet, and it does so the best it can and never ONCE have I heard a complaint about it. I'm always hearing things like "Damn it's hot. The Mercury is rising". (I think they even made a movie called that) What a whiney little bitch of a planet! Down with Mercury. I hate Mercury and I have approved this article. Paid for by People for an Endless Winter.