Ups and Downs of Bipolar Disorder

Of all the things I've learned in the field of psychology, I find the paradox of bipolar disorder to be most intriguing. It seems as though this illness has an appeal to certain types of characters-those that love intense emotion experiences, feel that their identity is formed by the tumultuousness of their moods, and enjoy a lifestyle that is not of the norm. And the charm is understandable-this illness brings about periods of euphoria, of great creativity and energy. But the reality is that this disorder is marked by grandiosity, poor judgment, irritability, impulsive behavior, paranoia, hallucinations, and risky behavior, causing a chaotic and unstable state of mind and being. It also distorts moods and thoughts, brings about erratic behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it and is unique in that it brings about great pleasure, yet also brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and sometimes even suicide.

Why would someone want to cultivate their image of being insane-perhaps it gives the artist more legitimacy and fulfills the image of the mad genius. This image could even be used as a means for career advancement. It is possible that artists may want to take on or inflate the characteristics, such as irritability, moodiness, intensity of energy and emotions.

Kay Jamison, the author of "An Unquiet Mind" (a book I highly recommend, by the way) mentions how her illness would give her a sense of uniqueness and also, how she is defined by her moods. The alternating periods of euphoria and despair have become a large part of her life, and she accepted the dark periods of her life as long as she could enjoy the heat of her hypomanic states, during which she would stay up for days, experience boundless energy, and feel as if she were on top of the world, the most charming, conversationally stimulating version of herself. And she loved it. However, it was when these alternating cycles of light and dark spun out of control, when her energy escalated into a frenzy and at points in her life, she could see that she had, indeed, lost control.

This idea of loss of control is very interesting. If Jamison experienced these extremities of emotions, but at the same time was in control of them and was able to function, then she probably wouldn't have needed treatment, she would've been told that she was going through very natural ups and downs of normal daily life. But when one is buying stuffed foxes (as she did at one point in her life for no apparent reason) and worrying family, friends and colleagues, and when one begins to fear these patterns and begins to forget what it was like to have stability in one's life, well, then, that would be the point at which one would need to seek help.