U.S. Census Bureau Report: It's Only Childcare If Dad Does It

The recent "Who's Minding the Kids?" report by the U.S. Census Bureau, released in August 2010, discussed families who need childcare, defined as parents with children younger than 15 years old. In a household where both parents are present, according to the report, the mother is considered the "designated parent." As such, questions about childcare in the home were directed at the mother. The father was only considered acceptable to provide information about childcare "in proxy" if the mother wasn't available.

Wait, it gets better.

The report stated that approximately 16 percent of preschoolers are cared for by their father on a regular basis, a situation the report defined as "childcare". The survey went on to clarify that childcare was defined as care provided by the father when the designated parent, the mother, was working.

A footnote in the report states that "…For employed mothers, not having a regular child care arrangement during work hours may indicate instability in child care arrangements or difficulty in identifying what types are regularly used."

Let's pause here, shall we? So according to the U.S. government, in a two-parent household, there is an automatic assumption that the mother is the 'designated' or primary parent. If Daddy takes care of the child while Mommy goes to work, that's considered childcare and needs to be accounted for as such. In other words, it's the exception to the norm and requires reporting.

In addition, if Mommy has a job but doesn't name a specific person or place that she calls "child care," there is an assumption that there is instability in the child's care. If the father has a job, however, there is an automatic assumption that the person providing childcare is the mother.

Wait, what?

According to a blog post entitled "The Census Bureau Counts Fathers as 'Child Care'" by KJ Dell'Antonia in the online New York Times, the Census report defines childcare as work support. However, the Census Bureau only counts the hours that Daddy spends taking care of the kids while Mom is at work as childcare. The hours that Mom spends taking care of those same children while Daddy is at work, well, those hours don't count. Which implies that childcare is simply Mom's job and the hours spent in that capacity aren't considered worthy of reporting. But on the occasion that Dad pitches in, well, that's so unusual that it is on the same level as taking the child to a separate childcare facility.

This reminds me of an argument that my husband and I end up having on a regular basis. I get overwhelmed trying to take care of three kids, do all the shuffling to and from school and activities, take care of all the laundry and the cleaning and, oh, manage a part-time job and I ask my husband to pitch in some more. Which frustrates him and he defends himself by saying "I help with the kids! I help with the housework!"

It's true, he does, but you know what gets me? The word "help". It implies that taking care of the kids and the household is MY job and any effort he puts towards those categories is a generous contribution on his part. It's him 'helping me out.' It means that those responsibilities aren't his primary concern. In other words, it's not his job. After all, you will never hear the words "I help out with the kids" coming from my lips. The word 'help' implies a certain choice, that you can either pitch in or you don't, but the choice is yours to make.

Mothers don't seem to have that choice. We are, after all, the 'designated' parents. The government even says so, which means that we moms aren't getting any credit for the countless hours and days, weeks, months, and years we spend raising our children in addition to going off to work and doing our so-called job. However, if dad steps in to take care of the kids, it's suddenly 'child care.' It's helping.

This subject frustrates me greatly. A common question I get - from other moms, no less - is "Do you work or do you stay home?" First, let's just state that no one should ever ask a mom that question. If you have kids, you work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But okay, okay, the question is whether I have an actual JOB in addition to my parenting duties. And I always hesitate a second before explaining that yes, I stay at home. But that I also work from home. To which I usually get a friendly nod and the conversation moves on, although I remember one occasion when I explained this to the mother of one of my daughter's friends, who responded, "Well, that must be easy."

Easy? I don't know a single parent who would define raising children as easy. Add in the responsibilities and demands of a job and the situation gets a lot harder. And yes, I know that there are many households where Mom and Dad split up the duties and one parent is home with the kids while the other parent works and then they switch places. However, what kills me is that it only counts as "childcare" by the government when Dad is the one in charge. It's not his job, this implies, he's just helping out poor Mom, who has gone off and left the kids to go be at a job.

Is it too much to ask for an assumption that both parents are responsible, even equally so? That both Mom and Dad provide "childcare" in addition to any other work responsibilities they have? Somehow, I think if the government was to tell us that both parents shoulder the responsibilities of the home instead of assuming that it's the job of the mother to be the primary parent, we might see a shift in the whole dynamic. Perhaps paternity leave would become as common as maternity leave. Maybe bosses and companies would be a little more understanding if it's Dad who has to take the day off to take care of a sick kid or leave early to make it to the Science Fair or see the preschool performance of Goldilocks. Maybe we would end up with happier homes, happier marriages, kids who see the value in both Mom and Dad caring for them AND working. Maybe we wouldn't have to define mothers in two categories - moms who "stay at home" or moms who "work." Perhaps we could get to the point where there are simply mothers and fathers and families and we all work together to keep things humming along.

It's a crazy idea, I know, but it just might work.