Useful Potty Training Tips for Hard to Train Kids!

Potty training. The mere mention of the words sets some people's teeth on edge. Everybody has an opinion about how to do it, when to do it, where to do it, etc. Those of us who have stubborn kids know that there are a billion methods, because we've tried them all! Speaking as someone who has had the experience of dealing with a potty training resistant child, I offer some advice and encouragement: Be patient. Eventually they will decide that going in the potty will not kill them and you will move on to a different challenge. In the meantime though, here are a few things that worked for us, maybe they will work for you too.

1. Really dial into your child and make sure he is ready to potty train. Just because your sweet mother-in-law trained all 6 of her kids before their second birthday doesn't mean that your child will be mentally prepared to deal with the issue. My youngest was ready a lot earlier than my oldest, who has to really mentally prepare himself for every new thing he attempts. He's 8 now - it's his personality. If it weren't so frustrating it would be comical! Look for signs and talk about it when you feel like the child might open to trying.

2. When you do feel the child is ready, before actually putting her on the pot, talk a lot about what the toilet is and how it works and how other people we know go potty in the toilet. Show her how you clean it and keep it nice so she will feel comfortable when she decides to take the throne.

3. If your family is comfortable, let your child see a parent or sibling use the potty a few times, so they see that it's safe and that other people do it too. This also gives hom some idea of how to do it.

4. If you have a doll handy, have your child practice taking baby to the potty. Talk you child through the process while letting her handle the doll. When dolly is done, tell the child what a great teacher she is and what a good example she is to baby.

5. You need to decide whether or not to have your son start out standing or sitting. I would advise sitting at first as it is a lot less messy. I know this from experience; my younger son learned how to pee standing before I even thought he was ready to train! AAUUGGHH!! No aiming skills! Use cheerios or tissue paper in the bowl for him to aim at...tell him to "sink the ship!"

6. Decide beforehand whether you think your child might need a potty chair or just a snap-on smaller seat over the big toilet and have the necessary equipment ready to go. Every child is different. Some will find the big boy toilet too high, while others will feel like the potty chair is for babies. Don't be afraid to switch gears though if you find that the chair you thought your child might like isn't working.

7. Once it's time to sit, make a schedule and stick to it as best you can. Try to take the child to the potty every hour or two, for a few minutes so she gets used to the idea and the routine of going in, taking down underwear or diapers and sitting. (Obviously it's harder to stick to the routine in public places, but make every effort you can to be consistent once you start.) Even if she doesn't go the first few times, reward her with positive comments! "Yay! Whoo-hoo! You sat on the potty!" Most kids will have to sit a few times before they will "make" anything in the potty and usually they will pee long before they poop in the potty.

8. We put a potty chart in the bathroom, on the wall by the toilet, where my son could see his progress. He got a certain sticker for sitting, a certain sticker for peeing and a great big sticker when he finally did #2. It helped him to see his progress. We also gave M & Ms the first time my son actually went pee in the potty. The additional reward seemed to help.

9. Once your child starts going, encourage him/her often by asking if he needs to "go potty." The first time my stubborn son went in by himself without having to be reminded or asked we ran around the bathroom shouting and singing! "You went by yourse-elf! Because you are a big boy (to the tune of the Conga Line)!" He was excited to know that we recognized his efforts. He also got a special sticker for that one and a few M & M's and we took his picture and put it on the chart.
10. After he starts peeing, take time to talk to him about pooping in the potty and how to handle the clean-up (which you will be helping with for a while). If he feels prepared, he will not be so worried about sitting down to try. You can practice cleanup on a doll beforehand to let him get the concept.

11. Once the child is consistently going in the potty, by herself, back off of the rewards and slowly phase out the stickers and praise. Let it be a normal part of her routine like every other thing she does on her own. If she comes in seeking praise, say something like "Good job! You are such a big girl now," then move on. Pretty soon it will become common place and you will both move on to other trials.

If you feel nothing is working and you are about to pull your hair out, try talking to your child about what the real issues are. After literally months of working with my son, making little to no progress on the pooping part (he was peeing in the potty several times a day, but would not poop in it), one day I sat down, near tears and asked him why he wouldn't go in the potty. He looked at me, then at the toilet and said "I'm scared!" He had never verbalized that before. He didn't freak out or look traumatized when he was near the toilet or sitting on it, so I had no idea before this moment that he was scared. Without him even saying it, I realized he somehow thought he would get flushed down with the poop. I still to this day cannot figure out how peeing in the toilet didn't make him feel that way, but whatever. Who said a 4 year-old has to be rational (YES, he was 4! Don't tell me I don't understand your frustration!). When I asked him if that was the problem he nodded and my heart almost broke. We talked at length about how the hole is too little (Mr. Rogers has an episode about this) for him to fit in and it would be impossible for him to be sucked through the hole when he pooped. He seemed to relax and later that day he finally went poop. We had a potty party that night with a cake and a few friends to celebrate him learning to go like a big boy. It was a great day for both of us! I finally recognized an important characteristic in my son (that my son isn't always comfortable talking about his issues sometimes needs help learning to express himself) and he finally realized that the potty is his friend and that he is capable of overcoming his fears. Now if I can just get him to improve his aim, we'll be in good shape!