Using Acceptance and Love to Create Change

I remember when I was little, there was a kid in our neighborhood that was always getting in trouble. It was stupid things like pulling a girl's pigtails or using lots of bad language. In fact, I think I probably learned most of the bad words I know from being around this kid! Now here's the funny thing. There was a certain teacher we all just adored. When he was in her class, he was the perfect little gentleman. Even as a child I thought this personality change was a bit curious.

Was there something about that teacher's attitude that got a positive response from this boy? This teacher was a very loving person. She made you want to do things for her. I distinctly remember her words "I'm going let you do me a favor" and every kid in the class would clamor to be the one to do the favor. She just made us feel accepted and cared for and we loved being around her. Looking back now, I realize that this accepting attitude and her ability to make people feel important had more impact on this boy than any punishment could have. I know it had a great impact on my life. I didn't feel like such a loner after being around this lovely woman.

As an adult, I know there are many instances where there are children who do much better in a caring environment where they are shown concern and acceptance. You hear about ADHD, ADD, and every other alphabet syndrome. I'm not saying these are not real conditions. I'm not a doctor. However, I do sometimes have to wonder whether there's a need for more positive attention rather than more medication. I believe love and acceptance have the power to cure. It helps others to be open to the best of themselves. Judgment and criticism only creates tension, defensiveness and a shutting down of creativity and the ability to change.

This accepting attitude certainly does not mean you have to approve when someone is not behaving their best. Seeing the good qualities in someone can cause that person to notice these things and to strive more for that. Offering praise generates a physical relaxing of tension and opens the other person up to listen and to offer trust. Someone who is overwhelmed at work may have a messy desk. The person may be known as a grump. Letting that person know that you realize they are having a hard time will make them more comfortable and easier to deal with on a day to day basis.

You make people feel good about themselves when you let them know that you have noticed they are doing well. You can help someone else find their inner strength and find your own in the process.