Using Gentle Discipline with Your Child

Raising a child can be one of the most difficult tasks anyone can do. Being fully responsible for a tiny, helpless human being and in charge of showing them how to grow into loving, capable, trustworthy adults can be a momentous task with more ups and downs that the best roller coaster. One of the best ways to help your child grow is creating a "No Free Zone" in your home and allowing your child to explore and learn unhindered.

When some parents hear about raising a child without saying no they immediately imagine the worst. Filthy children, destroying everything in their path, eating sugar coated candy and watching cartoons for hours. Many believe that every child who has a tantrum, every child who runs out into the street, and every child who disobeys is a child who was not taught the word no. However, using gentle discipline with your child does not create the wild, untamed terrors that it is blamed for. Often children are told no several times during the day. Do not touch, do not play with, do not go there, do not do that, and on and on. The constant barrage of no leaves a child desensitized and less likely to respond, which can be dangerous in certain situations in which we need children to stop for their own safety. But when we limit our use of no we not only allow a child freedom to grow we also ensure that on the occasions that we truly need to use no the child will respond.

One of the first things to do is to turn the home environment into one where you do not have to say no. Installing child safety locks and gates will help create boundaries that your child can discover for themselves without needing you to stop them. Using safety devices around your home protects both your child and yourself from mishaps. You should also move the things that you do not want your child to play with. Children are hardwired to explore and learn; expecting them to stop or to not touch goes against their internal drives. Instead of expecting your child to restrain himself simply move books, knick-knacks, and other objects to safer places. Removing the temptation is easier than enduring struggle after struggle over your child's need to touch things.

This may seem easy to do at home, but sooner or later you will go somewhere with your child where breakables are kept out and dangerous items are at lower levels. If you can not convince other people to temporarily remove the items then explain to your child about handling things gently and carefully. This may take repeating several times and finding yourself interfering between your child and his own natural curiosity, but soon enough your child will understand to be careful at other places. It can help to bring along a special toys or special books that your child rarely sees or plays with as a novel distraction. As with any skill it takes time for a child to understand and master the bit of self control it takes not to pick up and examine the shiny items, but it can and does happen with patience and time.

The next thing a parent creating a "No Free Zone" needs to do is turn every no into a yes. This may seem difficult at first, especially with a habit of saying no. But learning how to reshape what you are saying to both give your child freedom and to stop the action or behavior can bring countless rewards. Think about what things your child does often that you find yourself saying no to the most. Instead of scolding your child for pulling the dog's fur, teach her how to pat the dog gently. In place of telling your child no more TV, offer him suggestions of other activities he can do. Rather than saying no to a cookie before dinner, say yes to a cookie after dinner. Just by simply reversing what you are saying you can create a yes out of almost every no situation. It will take time to get yourself into the habit of saying yes and it will take time for your child to adjust to this new communication, but the benefits are a happier and freer home.

There are times when children will act out in a public place. This can be embarrassing and upsetting for the parent, especially when others are expecting you to do something to stop the action. While a sharp no may seem like a good way to stop the behavior it often only spurns resentment and does nothing to deal with what is really going on with the child. Rather than immediately jumping to no take a moment to find out what might be causing your child to act that way. Is he tired, hungry, scared? Has he had a chance to run and play and burn energy yet? Rather than the no that may stop the outward behavior but cause the inner feelings to bottle up, try to find a yes and a way to help meet your child's needs. Meeting your child's needs first not only helps you to prevent future public incidents and helps your child understand and take care of his inner feelings.

Of course there will be moments when a strong no is needed. A child about to run out into the street, touch a hot stove, or grab a knife are times when you need an immediate response. An abrupt no will bring a child not used to hearing that word to a sudden stop. Once you have stopped the child and removed him from danger calmly explain why you stopped him. Taking time to teach your child careful handling of dangerous objects rather than simply saying no and leaving it as that will have a greater impact and also help your child learn a bit more about the world around them.

With a little patience and time you can have the find of "No Free Zone" that cultivates happy children and happy parents. Making small changes in your home and in yourself will make a big difference in how you and your child respond to each other.