Using the Past to Change the Future: A Young Woman's Memoir

There no doubt is a reason I have chosen to be in the social-work field. For one, my mom died from a drug overdose when I was an infant. Secondly, I was raised on welfare by my father, who was depressed, paranoid, an alcoholic and an abuser. I have always been the parent to the parent as a child. It is the life I know.

But I do enjoy helping people. It is part of who I am; though I am not sure if it is by nature or nurture. I was also lucky enough to be mentally and cognitively well adjusted, had had various role models I chose to watch closely and listen to from female family members to teachers. Despite my father 's very abusive ways, there were times that he nurtured my self esteem telling us we can do anything we want to and how good we are when we set our minds to do something. I have the ability to take good from bad, and I can only say that I got lucky in this department.

I continue to try to understand myself and my place as a person, a mom, and a partner in my relationships. The influences of my family relationships have impacted me a great deal. There are times I rejoice, am mournful and am insecure. I keep tabs on what is normal, what needs to be tended to, and what I know I will continually have to work on.

From the beginning I have been a family hero, while my sister was the scapegoat. I was the peacemaker and the rescuer and parent-child.

Affection in my family was expressed by verbal " I love you's. In the larger family is expressed by open hugs and kisses. At the present time I tend to express affection vocally. It is a real chore for me to physically expressive to my children. I literally have to write down Hug kids today on my daily activity list.

Feelings such as anger were voiced by yelling. Fear was voiced by crying openly. Joy expressed by celebration. At this point in my life I still adhere to these expressions of feelings.

The people in my family were educated, guided and disciplined by spanking, some non-physical punishment, but always educated even after the punishment. Academic education was always stressed in my family, as most of the older generations did not complete theirs.

My family reflected its ethnic and cultural identity and heritage by pride in our ancestors, and ethnic foods and customs, at least exposure to them as we went to church and celebrated the holidays.

My conception of the ideal family is that I will make an effort to try and change the things that were negative in my own childhood. It compares well with my actual family experience, as I have been able to analyze many members of my family while growing up. I take a little from each adult and incorporate it (or try) to incorporate into my own child raising. I try to build self-esteem by not allowing name-calling. I try to express the importance of education and hope that my own poverty stricken children will learn by example as they see me going to classes 4 nights a week. They even know about my job as I have always introduced them and answered their questions.