Uterus, Cervix and Ovaries: The Joys of Being a Woman

It's August of 1996. Another few weeks before school starts, I am finally a SENIOR!! YEAH!! I had been seeing a guy for nearly three years now. My older sister, just 2 years older than I am, is mid-pregnancy with her first child. I finally broke my silence and went to her for advice. I wanted to get birth control, but was afraid to tell our mother. She tells mom and makes me an appointment at the local Family Planning Agency.

Prior to the doctor giving you any form of birth control, other than condoms, they do a pregnancy test. Having just turned 17 two months prior, imagine my surprise when they told me the pregnancy test was positive. My mother had no idea that I was not a virgin. She thought I was being extra careful 'just in case'.

March 13, 1997 I went into labor with my son. The pain, oh the pain. The epidural didn't take, Demerol didn't work, and I was a basket case.

My six week check-up (first check-up after child birth) would reveal some things I never imagined.

I had an abnormal pap test and was asked to come in for more tests. The next round of pin cushion attempts would reveal some cancer cells on my cervix, ovaries, and ovarian cysts.

As naive as naive could be, I tell my mother I am dying. I didn't know anything about cancer, other than I watched friends parents wither away and eventually pass on due to cancer. I thought it was a death sentence.

The doctors, freeze and scrape, and poke and prod, but all is taken care of and my next few pap tests will be normal.

January 7, 2000 I call the doctor for an appointment. I explain to him that I have been bleeding for six weeks. While that is not abnormal for my 'time of the month', I was leaving for the military in 2 weeks and I really needed to get this problem taken care of. My doctor calls back and tells me to take a pregnancy test then get back to him.

What? I have my period, why would I take a pregnancy test?

Considering he was the doctor and I was just a hypochondriac, I went to the pharmacy with my $15 and bought an EPT. Positive. What? I thought it was impossible. I was told to come to the office right away, and I did. They did some tests, told me to come back on Monday for more tests. They explained that my HCG levels and other tests, including a few sonograms, were showing pretty convincing data that I had just miscarried.

Monday morning will reveal the truth. I indeed miscarried a baby, without even knowing I was pregnant. My doctor insists I should have called him sooner. My periods were always weeks long, few and far between, but lasting forever. Heavy and constant was not out of my normal cycle.

The doctor tells me that it was more than likely a 'chemical pregnancy' and everything should be fine but they took another pap test to be sure. My cervix again shows cancer cells.

A freeze and a scrape and I am good to go on my merry way once again. Until I confide in someone about 'things' that just didn't seem quite right. The fact that sex hurt. I was nearly hemorrhaging 3 weeks a month, with many trips to the emergency room. Pain in my stomach, out of the clear blue sky, with no indication it was coming.

What a nice problem to live with, but it couldn't be that bad, right? September 2002 brings on another positive pregnancy test. By my calculations I could have only been approximately two weeks pregnant. The doctor wouldn't see me for a month, but I knew to take it easy.

May 2003 brings a bouncing baby girl. An epidural that worked, and nearly put me in heaven compared to the labor with my first child. I thought that this was good news, that my 'problems', whatever they were, had disappeared.

Another bad pap test, and a lot more pain, engages my doctor to do an exploratory surgery with a laproscope. Just after my birthday, June 2004, I get the worst news to date. I need a hysterectomy, preferably within the next two weeks. The laproscope took some pretty nasty pictures. Tumors and lesions galore. I hadEndometriosis.

I had no idea what this was at the time. There was a lot of 'goggling' taking place. I wanted more children, I knew after a hysterectomy, that dream was over. My doctor insisted, with everything in the past and everything I told him, that it was imperative. He also believed he could take just my uterus and save me from menopause and other womanly issues after hysterectomy.

I pleaded with my doctor to take it all. Uterus, cervix, ovaries, and tubes. He refused. He did have some compelling reasons, I just didn't want to listen.

July 2004, I will take the big plunge. I went under for a 45 minute LASH, or Laproscope Assisted Supra-Cervical Hysterectomy. 4 hours and 50 minutes later I woke up, screaming in pain. I had no idea what time it was, that there were problems, I just wanted pain medications. That week, I will learn that morphine has no effect on me. This will be important later.

My uterus was enlarged and there was more Endometriosis than the doctor expected. Upon removal of my uterus, they proceeded to burn off every last piece of Endometriosis, every lesion, every abnormality that they could find. Four one inch slices wasn't all that bad after I found out what all had happened, but it hurt worse than my first labor.

The pathology report on my Uterus showed some things that were definitely not good. Among other things, they had found a tumor, luckily it was benign. They also found hyperplasia, which was already forming into cancer. My doctor felt more confident now than ever that he made the right choice in the surgery while i was still at such a young age.

Over the next two years I will spot. I finally let the doctor know that I am tired of it. I do not have a uterus to be spotting out of, so what is going on now? We would soon find out that there was some new Endometriosis forming on my cervix. Another surgery, here I come!

This time, they pull my cervix out. Another 45 minute operation. After 7 hours in the waiting room, my mother demanded answers. I woke up about 8 hours later. The back (or upper side) of my cervix was 45% enlarged and was 90% covered in lesions. Rather than my previous 1 inch slices at 4 places, I had 2 one inch incisions, and a sweet little hip to hip: approximately 8 inches.

Another time of torture waiting for that to heal. I even had a nurse yell at me that she gave me morphine and doesn't understand what my problem is. Ummm, excuse me Ms. Perfect, check my chart. She gave me an 'oops, sorry' and Tylenol with Codeine. (I will spare that complaint session)

It would be weeks before I knew my cervix was that enlarged, and at the same time would find out that it had also tested cancerous. At this point, that word is haunting my every dream, and every reality.

For the 2 years in between the surgeries, and all the years after them, I struggled with the fact that I can no longer have children. Don't get me wrong, saving money on tampons is great, but I always dreamed of having three children, and I was only given two. But my children are a blessing. After having my son I was told it was a miracle, as he got 'stuck' and had major problems. With my daughter, I was told I would never carry her to term. She was delivered three days late.

The inner struggle is the most difficult one, followed by that fear that follows you everywhere. I know that my removed parts were cancerous, I know that some of the lesions burned off were cancerous, too. I sware that I have to have cancer, somewhere in that general area, especially considering I still have my ovaries.

The lesions that were burned were everywhere. I had many on my bladder, even my kidneys were not lesion free. So where does this leave my future?

I was thrown into a tail spin depression. Fighting the fact that I almost didn't feel like a real woman anymore. Scared that my depression was too much to handle. Scared that my future had cancer written all over it. Worried about the next surgery, and now, having lost my medical insurance.

I needed reassurance that no one could give me. Not even my doctor. All I wanted to know is where I could turn now. And I found all the help I needed at Hyster Sisters.

The forums were informative and extremely helpful. I did ask a few questions, but for the most part, all of my questions were already asked and answered somewhere on the forum. I wish I had found this site long before my first operation, as they give the best tips for preparing yourself for what is to come. I did on my own, in the beginning, what I could have done with a group of internet sisters that have all gone through it.

There is hope. There is a future. And if the time is ever right again, there is adoption. My children are now 11 and 6, and I am 29. I went through one of the worst feats a women will ever endure, especially still being in child bearing years. (although I did go through a medically induced menopause prior to my hysterectomy, and a partial immediately after as my ovaries were in 'shock')

The best way to surviving a hysterectomy, is hope. The hope you get from connecting to others that have been there, and made it through. We are all scorned, but we are healthier. Know that you are still a woman, you are still beautiful, even without the inside parts that define us as women. You must know that if you make it through this, you can do anything. I did, and I can.

No one knows what their future holds, and I do not know that my battles are over. It has been a few years now and all seems to be going right in the health department. After years of feeling like a pin cushion, and deep scars to prove it, I never thought I would be in the position to be able to move on. The scars are physical, and emotional, and it will seem the 'blues' will never pass, but they do. It gets better with each passing year, and the worry about the next check-up gets less with each passing year.

I have made it. I can do it. I did do it. I don't want to do it again, but I could. Four years later my only problem with the removals I have had, is the weight that comes with it. I am larger (not 600 pounds or anything, but heavier than I was prior). I can not lose weight, and I opted out of any injections that could stimulate my female process into letting me shed a few pounds. (I was really tired of being a pin cushion) My size 20 hangs a little big, my 18 seems a little tight, but that 3 I once was is remembered in pictures. Beauty is only skin deep. I had it all, or I thought I did because I was thin, tall, and pretty. If I didn't give up those things, I wouldn't be here at all to even complain about the size of my jeans. I think it was a fair trade.

Women are stronger than they give themselves credit for. You can make it through any of these issues, or similar ones, especially with the right support channels. If you do not know anyone personally who went through it, as I didn't, find an online support group. I highly recommend Hyster Sisters, they saved my sanity. There are also organizations that help women get more information on Endometriosis and cancers of the reproductive system. I searched the internet like crazy, all night, ten hours straight when I first realized I was 'alone' with what was coming. I found the best support ever on the internet, and I am forever grateful.

For all the women reading this: Stay Strong. For all the men reading this: Hug a woman today.