Valentine's Day for the Average Joe

Like many other people, I am single this Valentine's Day. A lot of single people like me get tired of hearing all about the merchandising trap that is Valentine's day. Did you know that some Christian martyrs were named Valentine, long before tongue-sucking became an international sport on this one day of the year? In fact, the origin of the relation between Saint Valentine and lovers is slighlty obscure. I had a look at Wikipedia but frankly I couldn't be bothered to read it all in detail so instead I will talk about the things some people may or may not be doing this Valentine's day.

The wife beater: on Valentine's Day, the wife beater is going to buy a bouquet of roses for his wife. He doesn't like the fact that they cost a bunch but will try not to say anything. Any funny look on his wife's face or misplaced comment will earn her a punch in the face. Bloody hell, how dare she make him spend beer money on stupid flowers?

The young couple: these two have only got together last week-end. They will go out to their local pub on Valentine's Day and kiss all night in front of their disgusted single mates. Next morning, he will wake up with herpes, write this down as his Facebook status and will add under his relationship status: "it's complicated". She will read this and change her Facebook relationship status as: "single". She won't even take the trouble of dumping him by SMS.

The married couple with children: it's impossible to get a babysitter on Valentine's Day so they will stay home and watch romantic comedies (her choice) on DVD with a nice bottle of wine. He bought her a box of chocolates too but the kids saw it and ate them all while she was shaving her legs. Five minutes into the first movie, the 2 year-old gets sick all over his bed and has to spend the night in his parents' room. Once again, she shaved her legs for nothing.

The old couple: they usually don't buy into the Valentine's day rubbish but this year she made an effort and cooked what she always says is his favourite dish for dinner: shepherd's pie. It actually isn't his favourite anymore, especially since she has been making it at least once a week for the last 57 years and lately she's been forgetting to put in some ingredients. Take last week for example, when she forgot the meat, but he'll make an effort and eat it anyway. Later that night they will go to sleep and will never wake up because she forgot to switch off the gas.

Me: I will be staying well away from anything to do with Valentine's Day. That said, in the very unprobable case that a Hugh Jackman or Johnny Depp lookalike (I'm not fussy) were to ask me on a date on February 14th, I certainly wouldn't say no to a night out to celebrate this year's Valentine's Day.