Valentine's Day Gift Ideas for the One You Just Can't Stand Anymore

Valentine's Day isn't always about getting together. Sometimes, the concentration of general romantic feeling in the air can make it all too clear just how little you feel for the one you're with. But if you've waited 'til February to break the news, there's no way out without being branded a (expletive deleted). Why not spare their feelings with one of these passive-aggressive Valentine's Day gifts? They'll still hate you, but the ball will be in their court. If they have any sense at all, they'll be out of there before dinner.

Constructive Criticism

No gift says "I don't really like you anymore" like a book. Especially when that book is Sex for Dummies. Give your boyfriend the miniature version of the book and drive two points home at once. Just in case he doesn't get the point, throw in some male enhancement products to boot. For the lovely lady in your life, try this. women, try this

Intercept CS Cold Sore Prevention System

Don't you hate it when Valentine's Day rolls around right after you've started dating someone you've realized you don't really like? If February 14^th is very near the date you'd like to never see your new romantic interest again, why not give them the Intercept CS Cold Sore Prevention System? Wrap it in a bow. Tell him or her that since things have been going so well, you thought you'd prepare them for the giant wound that opens in your lip from time to time. Lean in for an open-mouth kiss just as their eyes widen in dismay for a home run.

Baby Clothes

Because nothing says "Run away! Run away now!" like your biological clock. Head to the thrift store and grab all of the baby boy's clothes you can find. The more the better. Explain that you've been collecting them since you met because you "just had a feeling" he was the one. Extra points if you embroider his name on some of the items. The less time you've been dating, the better. Wrap them with paper printed with one of those creepy "what would our babies look like" morphed pictures on the internet and he might not even get around to opening it before he suddenly remembers that he has to move far, far away almost immediately.

Good Mood Dietary Supplements

Have her mood swings been getting on your nerves? Introduce her to your sensitive side with a box of Good Mood Dietary Supplements. The bigger the supply, the better. But you should probably duck just after she realizes what's in the box. You've just given her a lot of ammunition (and we know how she can be). If she doesn't chuck any at you, then her attitude problem might have something to do with her low IQ. Throw in a bottle of perfume to drive home a message that even she can't miss.

Seal It with a Card

It seems that the editors of The Frisky have broken more than a few hearts on Valentine's Day. But thanks to their pioneering efforts, you can include an appropriate Valentine's Day card with your thoughtful gift. My personal favorite is the one that says "you complete me" and features a roll of toilet paper and a dollop of poop. It's not really funny until you ask them to guess which one of you is the poop.