Valentine's Day Gifts: The Great Debate

Here we are, once again, on the brink of Valentine's Day. For some people it is a day that reminds them of their perpetually failing love-lives. For others, it is a day to run around and flaunt the love of their life, without looking foolish; after all, we can excuse this on Valentine's Day. Some wear red to honor the occasion, and some wear black to adamantly protest the wretched saint of love. One thing that many people can agree on is that if you are with someone, it is standard to give a gift of some sort. But what?

There is an age-old debate in my household spanning twenty-five years. This debate raged on between the women in my house and the man. My father was outnumbered by a wife and two daughters. My father is a generous man, who often likes to surprise my mother with gifts. Sometimes he is right on the mark, and other times, his gift is a nuisance and a constant reminder that the money could have been better spent. My father's position is that a gift is a gift, and it is the thought that counts. My mother, sister and I hold onto a different perspective. We feel that if someone truly wants to get a gift for another person, they should get a gift that the recipient would actually want. The result is that my father more often than not, tells us our gifts in advance and we can sort of give him a thumbs up or thumbs down. This angered my father, because now he could never be spontaneous with his gift giving. Or could he?

Here are some tips on how to fish for gift ideas without revealing yourself. First thing is to remember that the cost of the gift does not say anything about the true value of the gift. For several years in college, I was in charge of buying gifts for faculty members on special occasions, usually involving opening night of a theatrical production. My theatre department realized as early as my freshman year, that I had a knack for getting the perfect gift. Many a professor opened up gifts, shed some tears and wondered how on earth anyone could have known that they wanted that exact gift. It's a piece of cake!

The easiest thing to do, for the not-so-brave, is to engage in a conversation with the gift recipient. Ask hypothetical questions that seem ridiculous such as, "What would you do if you won the lottery?" or "If you could vacation anywhere, where would it be?" These questions may seem out of place, but they give you sort of a generic overview of what the person may be into. If the person wants to vacation in Italy, you might not be able to afford that, but a night out at an Italian restaurant might be subtle, but effective. Remember, that the more specific you get, the better.

For the slightly more ambitious, getting a third party involved is good, but risky. Sometime I will send out a neutral spy to gather details on my gift recipient. The third party can be more direct in asking about gift ideas, since ultimately they are not going to be the gift giver. There are some risks involved, however. You have to choose the third party just right. If the third party, or spy as I like to call him or her, cannot be someone who is too close to the gift recipient. For example, when my sister calls me up asking me for gift ideas, I usually know right away that she is asking on behalf of someone else. On the contrary, the person cannot be random, either. A neighbor that you rarely talk to would also be a suspicious "spy." The best people are work colleagues, church friends, neighbors who you socialize with regularly. Casual conversations at work happen all the time. I am never suspicious when a work colleague asks me for gift ideas. Now imagine if you were able to arrange for a work colleague to ask your gift recipient questions. The conversation will be so casual and random that it will be forgotten. Next thing you know, you are surprising your loved one with a gift tailored to their exact want.

The main thing people will tell you about finding the perfect gift is to listen. Never let any information be ignored when you are approaching birthdays or holidays, like Valentine's Day. From October to December 24, I am on constant alert on what people have to say. So for all the Valentine gift givers, anytime from December 26 to February 14 is fair game. Pay attentions! You will be shocked how your collective notes add up to the perfect gift.

While I cannot suggest to you gifts to get your significant other, all I can say is that while "the thought that counts" is great in itself, do you know what's even greater? A thought that counts AND a gift that counts! The debate may always rage on whether it is the thought or the gift that counts more...so why not shoot for both? Best of luck and happy Valentine's Day.