Valentine's Day: It's the Thought that Counts!....And Other Lies

After 36 wonderful years of marriage, I have learned many valuable life lessons. I have learned that if you are really fortunate, it is possible to 'marry up'. (in fact I highly recommend it!) I have learned that 'love is blind' with intermittent splashes of 20/20 clarity! I am a romantic...of sorts...(My opening poem gives me away... or not!)

But when it comes to Valentine's Day... I have learned more from my failures than my successes... and I offer those of you still reading "5 Fatal Foibles to Fear" at Valentine's Day. Heed this advice and you just might save yourself from (insert metaphorical euphemism) 'running on empty'' down the rocky road of romance!

Number 5
Do NOT attempt to play down the importance of this day!
Any statement or attempt to downplay Valentine's Day as superficial or commercialized will fail!
"Honey, I don't need a special day to tell you that I love you... Everyday is our Valentine's Day!"
You can disregard my advice, but chances are you'll be humming 'One is the loneliest number".. before the night is through.

Number 4
Do NOT attempt to give a 'belated' Valentine's gift.
It might be okay for a birthday or a baby shower, but there is a reason that Hallmark Cards doesn't crank out 'belated' Happy Valentine cards... I have kept this old, yellowing note in a side section of my wallet as a reminder of this truth. It reads....
"Roses are Red"
"Violets are great"
"I hope you like your Valentine's gift"
"even though it is late....."
Love Ronald
(I can't even remember the details of that Valentine's Day... but I know that I've kept this little note for 20+ years to remind myself not to be late again!)

Number 3
Do NOT buy your 'Sweetheart' an appliance for Valentines!
Whether it's an upright vacuum or a 'one of a kind' air popped popcorn maker, it won't be appreciated in the way you had hoped...If you decide to get her one of these practical gifts anyway, heed this advice... It's harder to throw a vacuum cleaner across the room than it is an air popper! (At least that's what I've been told...)

Number 2
Do NOT attempt to spin a verbal tale of where you were going to take her...what you were going to get her, and how you were going to give her a 5 star surprise...and then give her a ring pop, with a card.
(I still remember my wife's bewildered eyes as I carefully explained what I had planned to do for Valentine's Day, but didn't get around to; a gondola ride through the Venice canals at sunset, serenaded by our boats-man, stopping only to retrieve the floating bottle I had 'planted' with my love note to her and the diamond necklace within. (I still get emotional just thinking how it could have been.)

Number 1
Do NOT buy your Valentine's Day sweetheart any 'off ramp' flowers. It doesn't matter how beautiful they are, or how fresh they may appear, or how easy it is to get the deed done! It is NOT just the thought that counts at Valentine's Day. I remember the first time I purchased 'off ramp' flowers...I had procrastinated my way through the week and suddenly Valentine's Day was here. I couldn't get away on my lunch break, so I headed home to find a florist that would keep a 'straight face' while charging me double for a bouquet of flowers that had expired yesterday. As I exited the freeway and coasted down to the bottom of the ramp, I saw a young man on the curb with several flower bouquets in his hands doing a brisk business with the cars waiting for the light to turn green. At first I thought it might just be a mirage, but soon I was driving away with my newly purchased flowers resting carefully in the passenger seat of my car.

I felt like the great Valentine Conqueror who had just snatched 'victory from the jaws of defeat!' When I got home, I handed the flowers to my wife and confidently wished her a Happy Valentine's Day... She took the flowers from me and held them close for a moment. Then she looked up at me with a broad smile and innocently asked me where I had gotten them. I don't remember what I said, but I realized in that moment that I had done an incredible disservice to my wife and to myself by settling for such an impersonal and unplanned gift. Don't get me wrong... she loved them, and thanked me, and found a vase to put them in... but I think a woman knows... at least the seasoned, intuitive woman I had married somehow knew. She never said anything more, but that was the day I came to understand the significance of Valentine's Day. It's not just the thought that counts. It's the time that that goes into the thought, and the actions and efforts that bring those thoughts to fruition.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. After 38 Valentine gifts to the same gal, I will be planning, plotting, and praying that a brilliant idea will pop into my head. Something new and creative, and original that will convey the love I feel for my beautiful bride. She has given me her heart, her trust, and her undivided love. She deserves no less than my very best. The woman of my dreams has looked past my faults, my 'quirkiness', and even the old Buick Opal I drove when we were first dating. (It had a bad starter so I always had to push start wherever we went.)
Stephanie Jones, you have given me more than I could ever repay... What little I have will always be yours, and you will never have to share my love with any other... Happy Valentine's Day....

So there you have it... Five fatal faults to avoid as you navigate the minefields of love. I may end up being the only one who reads this besides you Stephanie.... and if that is the case, it's still been wonderfully worthwhile, because it has given me time to reflect upon you, the girl that has captured my heart, that still holds the key, and will always and forever deserve so much more than 'off ramp' flowers!