Valentine's Day Memories: February 14 Can Stink for a Harry

The seven or so weeks between Christmas and Valentine's Day have always been pretty rough on us 'Harry Burns' types.

Harry Burns is, of course, the character that Billy Crystal made famous in " When Harry Met Sally, " the romantic comedy about a man and woman reluctant to leave the 'friend zone'.

I have always been a Harry, becoming so close to very special female friends that it almost seemed like a marriage. With one 'Sally', I even traveled to Europe for a 10-day tour, sharing rooms at hotels in England , Scotland and Wales .

Unfortunately, that European trip did nothing to further our relationship.

As a grade school Harry, I once bought an oversized, personal valentine for Lisa, the girl who sat behind me in homeroom. I thought she liked me, which prompted a visit to the neighborhood drug store to get the perfect card.

Grade school can be a cruel battlefield, though, especially to a nascent Harry like me. After lunch, that card made me the subject of ridicule for the rest of the day.

If you are an adult Harry, using the word 'love' in any romantic context is enough to upset the relationship applecart. More than once, I received a one-way ticket to " Tumbleweed Town ," an emotional limbo, after telling a Sally I loved her.

If you suddenly find yourself alone in Tumbleweed Town , chances are your Sally will never treat you quite the same ever again.

For a Harry, February 14 is a dangerous day, filled with traps and potential pitfalls. How can a Harry tell a Sally she's very special without sending her screaming into the night?

One February, I hit on a clever solution: 'non-threatening' Valentine's Day cards. My friend Sherman and I spent hours looking at card and gift shops, trying to find the right balance of comedy and sweetness for each Sally in our lives.

After hours of searching, I still felt as if I was handling a time bomb disguised by a pretty pink envelope. Fortunately, Beverly, my Sally at that time, thought it was great to get a card from me.

Beverly also gets the credit for another term in the Harry vocabulary: pseudo-boyfriend. In Harry terms, that's like being runner-up at the Miss America pageant. You get to hear about every schmuck boyfriend while slowly dying inside.

The current object of my affection likes to call me her 'middle movie Harry,' the time in the story when Harry was a pretty safe guy. To her, I'm not the know-it-all Harry or the romantic New Year's Eve Harry.

I'm the safe Harry, but as Valentine's Day approaches, I'd rather be running down the road to my perfect Sally.