Valentine's Day - What NOT to Get Her!

Listen up men...it's almost that time of year again. I know you just survived the gift giving of Christmas, and her birthday isn't for a few months yet, but you can't ignore Valentine's Day. Well, you could, but where would that get you? In the doghouse, for sure.

Every salesclerk at the mall will give you advise on what to buy for your special someone. You can find gifts that range from $2 to $2000, but are any of them "THE" perfect gift? That is a decision only you can make, but I can give you some tips on what not to buy her.

Don't get her anything that resembles an appliance. So what if the newest toaster on the market is capable of frying bacon and/or washing dishes, and the electric mixer can make chocolate chip ice cream and/or knit socks -they are still reminiscent of kitchen drudgery, something every woman wants to avoid. Along those same lines, don't buy her dishtowels. Another no no.

Don't get her candles. Even if they are expensive and smell good. Candles are so mundane; everyone gives candles when they can't think of a suitable gift. For Pete's sake, if she wants her house to smell good, she will buy an air-freshener. With a fragrance she prefers.

Don't ever get her a pet. No matter how cute and cuddly it looks. You could end up being the one who has to feed it, walk it, bathe it, brush it, take it to the vet, clean up after it, and share your bed with it. And remember, it will be around for a long, long time. Leave it in the pet store.

Don't get her tools. Ok, so her coffee table has wobbly, loose legs and the bathroom mirror dangles because it is missing 3 screws. Maybe she likes things that way. If she wanted them fixed, she'd call a handyman. She doesn't own tools for a reason- she doesn't want them.

Don't give her any paraphernalia that is related to your favorite sports team, even if they won the Super Bowl. Again. Did you ever actually see her wearing the scarf with the team colors and embroidered logo that you gave her last year?

Don't give a gift "in her honor." So it will help save an endangered species- what kind of a gift is that?? You might as well say, "I bought you a gift, but gave it someone else."

Don't give her one of those fancy packaged "bath sets." Most of them are half full of paper filler, and the actual products are generally things she won't use. Who in their right mind would use gritty cucumber/papaya scrub, and star shaped green soap?

Don't get her another mug. Even if it is filled with candy and has a balloon attached. First of all, she probably has more mugs than she has space to store them, and you know you will be the one who ends up eating the candy.

Don't get her anything that comes from a hardware store. She doesn't go into the hardware store for a reason - she doesn't want anything from a hardware store.

Don't get her a stupid looking piece of animal shaped pottery that she can slather with goop and plant seeds on. Good grief.

Don't get her a cookbook. She will think you don't like her cooking, and are subtly trying to improve it. Did it ever occur to you that her bad cooking might be a ploy to get you to take her out to dinner more often?

Don't get her a purse. Purses are one of the things that must be to the exact specifications of the owner. She knows how many pockets she wants in her purse, how many of those pockets must have zippers, how many of those pockets are on the inside, how many are on the outside. She also knows if she prefers a shoulder strap or handles, leather or cloth, buckles or snaps. Don't go there.

So, hope this has helped. Good luck with your shopping for that special lady. And remember, stay out of the hardware store.