Valentines Day or Vantage Point: Tips for Romance

With Valentines Day approaching, it's time to break out those items that give romance a chance.

Intended for Mature Audiences Only

Ladies it's time to un-wrap that roller adorned head of yours, put on a bit of make-up and get those red pumps a-clicking. Show your valentine that you're the pretty young thing in this story and you've come a long way from Kansas. If there has ever been a time to get your way, it should be on Valentines Day. Stop expecting that man to see a playboy bunny when you look like something that devoured the bunny. Valentines Day should represent your vantage point.

In fact, this advice is not intended for female audiences alone. Men, you know what it takes for that woman to show you extra special attention. As my youngest son would say, take off those "crusty dusties", find yourself a suit that fits, splash on some of that 'baby come and get me' cologne or aftershave, shine up those pearly whites and market yourself like never before. It's time to have fun.

Valentines Day is all about the love. Every day should be. Nevertheless, this day was set aside just for the lover in you. Take a step back from the traditional way of introducing romance and take a chance. Change is good, when it comes to keeping a relationship fresh. No need for purchasing someone else's thoughts from Hallmark, when you can show off the poet in you by designing your own.

A few key points you may want to take note of are as follows:

1. Men, don't show up at your ladies door with your pants sagging 95% off your bottom, looking like you haven't seen a washcloth in days. That will probably blow the deal.

2. Ladies, please don't think you are going to get anywhere by doing the chicken dance in front of your significant other wearing your 'that time of the month' big drawers. Trust me, that will get you something but probably not what you are looking for.

3. If that meal from the refrigerator has sat for so long that you don't know what to call it, don't go warming it up, plopping it out on the table; pretending to have slaved over it all day long.

4. Wearing cologne/perfume is fine, when done in moderation. It should not seem as if you have marinated in it overnight.

5. Lingerie says you took the time to pick that special outfit. Picking lingerie with more holes than material says you're trifling.

6. Whether you drive a fine automobile or a fine hooptie, please take care to make sure the chicken bones are cleaned out; before offering your date a seat.

7. Ladies and Gentlemen - Shave, powder your nose, clip those dreadful toenails, clean the wax out of your ears…Do what you have to do to romance that special someone on an entirely different level.

Valentines Day only comes once a year and, if you blow it, you may never get another chance to find romance. Start shopping today for candles, satin sheets, bubble bath and bath salts, wine glasses and sparkling juices (I'm not a drinker), lingerie and boxers and scents appropriate to your body chemistry. Whatever it takes to get the job done, it's up to you to do it. Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today? Get the practice you need now to transform yourself from hillbilly to hotstuff.