Value Driven Parenting

Does a parent's core values really mean anything to their child? Are values only relative to a given situation? I believe a parents Core Values makes their parenting more consistent giving their children clarity in terms of what is expected of them. Demonstrating these steady as she goes values in our everyday decisions will give our children security.

Our children's boundaries need to be set based upon good core values. Once we set those boundaries for our children they will begin to test them. They instinctively want to know if those those boundaries are soft or hard. It's a mistake for a parent to constantly change those boundaries. This not only makes the child insecure but also sets up a cycle of discipline that makes for 'Hard parenting'. When the parent has a good set of Core Values in place within him/herself it allows them to make those consistent choices without having to even think about it.

Parenting is a difficult, full time job and there are all kinds of challenges thrown at us. The media is in a constant grab for our children's hearts and minds. Friends at school and in the neighborhood draw them into many questionable activities. Though we can't protect our kids from everything we can model Good Values to them. This will empower them to be able to see what good and bad choices look like.

In an attempt to be clear on this point let me say that before we can model Good Values to our children we must possess those values ourselves. I know this all sounds preachy and most of us don't like being preached at and you can certainly stop reading this right here if you want to. But that old saying is true, 'Actions speak louder than words.' That is to say that in the end it will be what we do not what we say that will make the most impact in their lives.

Kid's have a knack for spotting phoniness from a mile away. We can't as loving parents afford our children seeing us as a phony. I'm not saying that it is going to destroy our kids if they see us fall and get up. What I'm saying is, it's those constant day by day actions rooted in these Good Values that are going to send the message to our children's hearts and train their conscience. The occasional stumble along life's path will go unnoticed by and large. You will not impart lasting Values with the 'Do as I say not as I do' teaching. You cannot impart what you do not possess.

What are some of these Good Core Values we're talking about? Here are a few:

• Honesty
• . Honesty shows up in many little ways in life. Like, when a checker at the store gives you to much change, the honest thing to do is to give it back. You see what I mean. What a good lesson to share with our children right there in real life. But honesty is best shown when we are alone and no one will see but me. Would you do this when you are alone and no one would find out? If you would then this is more and likely a Core Value.

• Integrity
• . Integrity shows up in keeping your word. 'A person is only as good as their word', is very applicable here. Some of our Senior Citizens may be able to remember a time when business was done with a word and a handshake. Today it is done with lawyers and the courts. Few are those who would keep their word even when it hurts. Can you be depended upon to keep your word even if doing so would cause some kind of reversal in your life?

• Courage
• . Courage is not the absences of fear. Nor is courage standing toe to toe 3 to 1 with muscle bound thugs and meeting them lick for lick in an all out brawl. Face it most of us are not a Chuck Norris. Courage is doing what is right in spite of our fear. Standing for what's right even in face of overwhelming odds, sometimes standing there alone. Can you show your children you will do what is right even when you are afraid?

• Humility
• . Some have said that Humility is strength under control. I like that. Another part of Humility is allowing others to be right even when you think they are wrong. Everyone in the World has a point of view. Can you respect the person even when you don't share their views? I'm not saying here that you have to agree with the other person's point of view just that you respect the person with those views. There is always going to be times we have to take a stand against an idea that is harmful to Ourselves, Our Family or Our Country. But we can stand against harmful ideas in Humility.

• Forgiveness
• . Forgiving others that have wronged us allows us to move on with our own lives and breaks the bonds of bitterness. Holding back our forgiveness will bind our minds to those who we do not forgive. If we hold back our forgiveness to long it will turn into bitterness. I have read where bitterness can cause health issues in a person holing onto it. With this in mind forgiveness is more for ourselves then for the other person. Imagine being bitter at someone for years and that person doesn't even know or care that you haven't forgiven them. Can you forgive those who have wronged you in the past?

Our world moves on into the 21st Century and there are those who say that these timeless values are outdated. I would like to take this stand and say that they are not at all outdated but are instead much needed in this new century. This brings me to ask a couple of very critical questions of every parent. If we do not instill these timeless values in our children who will? And, If we fail to give our children a set of Good Core Values then what Core Values will they end up with? Our children will be left with a Set of Core Values in the end whether we imparted them or some one else did.

Can we afford to let this most critical parental responsibility fall to others? Yes it is true that 'The way is hard, the terrain rugged, the standard high but our children are worth every effort. We don't have to be perfect, just consistent. Will you join me in this Values Driven Parenting and raise up this next generation having these Timeless Values as their Core Values?