Venerable Verbiage III

Just when you thought

it was safe to start reading blogs again,

I'VE GOT MORE WEIRD WORDS!

To those of you who've asked me

when my verbal diarrhea attack will end

and you can get back to normal life--

Fear not, the finish line is in view.
####

The wonderful world of medical maladies

is indeed an endlessly spinning one.

After all, the more diseases,

the more drugs and

the more profit--

a good deal for everyone

but the hapless patient.
####

So here's my

penultimate contribution

to Venerable Verbiage,

in ultra-free verse form

as a change of pace:
####

Are you a blissful noncomformist

who does your own thing?

Then you've got a serious mental condition

that needs medical treatment--

anatopism (or ectopism).
####

Like to lie or exaggerate

about yourself?

Hey, nobody's a dog

on the Internet.

Welcome to the cyberland of

pseudologia fantastica!
####

If you're a fan letter writer

(but keep your name secret),

or scribbler of anonymous letters

to yourself,

just plain pseudologia

has your neurotic moniker

written all over it.
####

Loathe conversation?

Despise thinking?

That's a no brainer!

Don't tell anyone, but

you've got misologia.
####

There are perverts

and there are perverts.

Parabulia is

perversion of

the will,

which means

you can't stick

to one show

for long

before you

flip to

another channel.
####

Bipolar disorder

used to be

manic depression,

which was

amphithymia

once upon a time.
####

Perpetual bachelors

may not be misogynists,

but they're probably misogamists,

which means they're smart--

they hate marriage.
####

Chronic bachelorettes,

au contraire,

could be misandrists

and just hate men.

Or, they could be smart too.
####

Physical attraction

takes all forms.

A nasty kink is

zoolagnia--

wanting sex with

nonhuman animals.
####

A heavy psychic burden

on our post-modern

oh-so-trendy

flash-mobby technoplanet

is misocainia, or

hatred of the new or strange.
####

Do you imagine seeing

giraffes or elephants

when not on safari,

visiting animal prisons called zoos,

or watching nature shows?

Then zoopsia is your neurosis.
####

Dum dum de dum dum--

Can't remember how it went

even though it's an

oldie but goodie.

I've heard it a thousand times.

But tonaphasia done

sucked the notes

right outta my brain.
####

Ouch, that hurts!

Can't breathe!
Too tight!

Feels like zonesthesia

is giving me

the squeeze.
####

OMG!

Texting and tweeting

are really

agitographia--

rapid writing,

skipping words and letters.
####

FYI,

cell phoning

can be called

agitophasia--

speedy talking,

blah, blah, blah.
####

Can't spit out a sentence

Because you're, like

totally tongue-tied?

Ankyloglossia has you

nabbling bonsense,

poor baby.
####

But that's better than

a bout of lalorrhea,

you know, when you can't shut up

and you keep chattering away

and everyone leaves the room

and you keep talking anyway

ad nauseum,

kind of like those

congressional Republicans

with nothing to say

but a hundred ways to say it.
####

Got a speech problem?

Switching your r's with l's?

How tellibly emballassing!

You've got lamdacismus.
####

O-r-r-r-r you r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-eally can't stop

utter-r-r-r-ing those r-r-r-r-r-r's

and stammer-r-r-r-ing all over the place?

You r-r-r-r-r-r-hotacist, you!
####

You say

You're terrific with r's but

you can't spit out g, k, or ch?

Then paragammacism is

your particular impediment.
####

Take a number.

The doctor will see you later.