Vengeful and Trapped Sexuality in Margeret Atwood's Cat's Eye

Margaret Atwood in Cat's Eye explains the interwoven relationships between women and men and how gender stereotyping can affect the course of one's life from childhood to old age. Through the main character Elaine's narration and point of view, the reader sees the girl tormentors of her childhood and how the conflict of being from neither one gender stereotype nor the other upset the delicate balance of her world. Caught between the convention-ridden 1950's and feminist eras, Elaine views her sexuality as disconnected from herself which ultimately teaches her that adult female sexuality is shaped through others' negative judgments and actions to be used against her and other women.

Elaine's introduction to her own sexuality through other adult women left her with a gap of information; the secrecy of puberty led to forced shame. Elaine no longer thinks of herself as a sexual being because of the negative associations she connects with the female body and puberty. One of the instances where this is present highlights Elaine's friend Carol trying to use makeup when it is socially unacceptable for her age group. Her mother finds out and scrubs her face with a dirty dish clothe in front of Elaine, insinuating that exhibiting female sexuality before she's told is wrong and dirty. Carol's mother exclaims:"Don't let me catch you doing such a cheap thing again! At your age, the idea!"(Atwood, 182) which instill's in Elaine a fear of having her body looked at as something sexual. This exposure to the "oversexed" puts little Elaine in her place as far as she now knows what "not" to do, but not what is acceptable. This negative reinforcement adds to her misguided body image as well as the sense of women policing other women. It sets the tone for the romantic male relationships in her life where she allows their judgments to mold her own sexuality

The fear of ridicule deepens when Elaine is later that same day, forced to grope Carol while they are playing doctor. Elaine knows "I don't want to. I don't want to touch that swollen, unnatural flesh."(183). However, she does so anyway at the insistence of her peer group and is repulsed and shamed that they make her step outside the socially accepted sexuality of her age group. Touching, seeing, and even knowing about women and men's anatomy during her time period is frowned upon. All sexual education is offered through instances such as 'playing doctor" or through overheard rumors in the school yard as well as the state of parents' sheets in the morning. These experiences specifically place a negative connotation on her growing body and pave the way for her negative thoughts towards the female body, ideas of her own sexuality and those of other women.

When she enters high school and is confronted with her own sexuality, Elaine works to analyze her relationships with men instead of fawning over them helplessly like other girls. Her scientific analysis of her sexuality or lack there of, in relation to men, gives her padding so she doesn't need to deal with her own sexual emotions. By thinking of others before herself, she is better able to dismiss herself. She becomes aware of the funnel of society, shaping herself to what men want without dealing directly with herself and her own body. When talking on the phone she says: "Boys by nature require these silences; they must not be startled by too many words, spoken too quickly"(260). By stifling her own voice, Elaine thinks she is better able to understand men and what she is at a higher level of thinking then other girls who swoon with lust, often babbling. Showing her sexuality by being interested in the opposite sex is negative and if she rises above it, then the shame of it cannot touch her. She's avoiding the feelings she grew up with and when the boys discuss the lusty, mooning women she thinks:"I don't think any of there words apply to me. The trick with these silent words is to walk in the spaces between them, turn sideways in your head, evade."(260). This realization is the beginning of her transition into letting men funnel her own sexuality into what they want and approve of. Elaine, through repressing her sexual nature and not exploring it, by being above other women, she puts herself in league with the thoughts of men whose judgments and actions begin to form who she will become.

Elaine begins to let men's judgments and actions, especially those who are in a relationship with her, become a mold for her inner sexuality and sense of self. The relationships she has with men show us the sexual disconnect she sees between herself and other women such as Susie. She is unable to see that she and Susie are in the same boat sharing Josef; instead she hones her repression and acts above Susie because she feels she is more in control. In reality, she isn't in control of her own sexuality, Josef is, and she comes to realize this when Susie calls for help after her botched abortion. When she sees Susie, Elaine understands that control was taken from her because of the sexual feelings she had for Josef. Susie wanted to stay with Josef and knew he would disapprove of the child, so to keep herself attractive for him, she performs an unhealthy abortion. This shows that through she had made a choice regarding her sexuality, the choice was already made for her by the domineering, controlling relationship with her boyfriend which destroyed any thoughts she could have had of keeping the baby.

Elaine discusses Susie's reasoning with Josef explaining Susie was afraid to lose him saying;"Both of us know this is a possibility. 'No,no' Josef says uncertainly. 'I would have taken care of her.' This could mean several things"(350). Susie's sexuality is affectively trapped and burdened with his own happiness, so she must keep herself new and fresh to catch his attention and affection, her sexuality is not good enough alone, to herself. Elaine feels the same way in the beginning of their relationship as he is constantly scrutinizing her before they make love. She finds herself becoming self conscious and views her sexuality as something to bring out so Josef can play with it. She thinks: "But it is my lifeline, my real life. Increasingly I begin to eliminate whatever does not fit in it, paring myself down"(301). Through Josef's actions both in relation to Susie and herself, Elaine sees herself remaking her sexuality and sense of self to fit Josef's standards. Even though she sees the weakness in Susie and other women, she is unable to acknowledge her own deficiencies because she views sexuality as "other" and separate from herself.

Because she has this sexual disconnect and scrutiny of other women's sexualities, Elaine is able to carry on two significant relationships with two very different men without feeling guilt. She is with Josef because he gives her more depressed fodder for her art and he needs her, she is later with Jon because she doesn't know what else to do with him. The men are her bookends and without them there is a feeling of nothingness. Both decisions to remain with them are not made with lust and though she holds jealousy towards the other women in both men's lives, it's more of a required feeling then anything she is willing to stand up for in an argument.

She is willing to share her sexual partners with other women and views sex from a third person perspective because she is uncomfortable with herself. This is seen most often in her affair with Jon where he mostly ignores her unless they are making love. He views women as:"...smart or stupid. These are his categories. 'Liston Pal,' he says to me. 'You've got more brains then most.' This pleases me but also dismisses me."(347). This view of women which she is continually exposed to at the bars where Jon takes her makes Elaine take his neglect as something that is commonplace, something she shouldn't worry over. Instead, she hides her feelings for him and ignores his other sexual partners, feeling she is being a better woman then the one who would walk out after being ignored. Elaine leaves her own sexuality in the hands of her loves to mold and fit because she wants nothing to do with it and this informs her ideas of older women's sexuality.

Elaine's paintings exhibit this through her pieces depicting Mrs. Smeath in which she uses the woman's own caged sexuality against her to both mock and ridicule the women who had helped to stunt her own sense of self as a child. The paintings show her in varying states of undress and flaunt her over exaggerated female flaws inherent to old age as dirty and sick. From the beginning of her artistic career she shies away from the feminine form seeing it as something callous and disgusting as her upbringing and negative confrontations in her past dictate. By ridiculing the nude model in Life Drawing, Elaine sets up a way of disassociating herself from her own body and the idea of it growing and changing. "Also this women frightens me. There is a lot of flesh to her, especially below the the waist; there are folds across her stomach, her breasts are saggy and have enormous dark nipples". By ridiculing this woman inside her own head like she learns to do with Mrs. Smeath in her paintings, Elaine is pointing out her own way of funneling and trapping this woman's sexuality to make a harsh negative judgment. This over critical choice leads Elaine into a space where she not only inadvertently ridicules other women's sexuality, but her own as well, encouraging the disgust she was brought up with into her own later years.

By the era she grew up in and the lack of introduction into puberty, as well as negative education geared towards sexuality, Elaine is left in her formative years and thereafter with a sense of disconnection to her body. This disconnection leads to her over-analysis of other female's interactions with their own sexuality and results in instant snobbery and judgmental ridicule of other women for their sexuality. In the middle of her life, it makes her an easy target for men to mold and prey on, using her unformed sense of self, which results from her bitter feelings about her own sexuality. She uses these feelings against other women in her artwork thus continuing the cycle of policed women as she was policed and witnessed other women policing in her childhood.