Verbal and Emotional Abuse: How to Break the Cycle
Verbal and emotional abuses are among the leading causes of poor self-esteem in our young people today. Poor self-esteem can lead children to be underachievers with no real belief in the future. A child that lives with this abuse learns it and will pass it on to future generations. This cycle can and must be broken.
Identifying the cause of the abuse is a major step in learning to break the cycle. Often when we are feeling our lowest is when we do the most harm to our children. Frazzled nerves and frustration are two of the leading times when we are at our lowest points. By learning to recognize the warning signs we can learn to stop the abuse before it happens. Take an objective look at the daily routines and try to pinpoint the stressful times of day. For most, it is getting everyone up and dressed in the mornings and dinnertime in the evenings. Try to find ways to make these times less stressful. A few suggestions would be to have the children lay out their clothes the night before, invest in alarm clocks for older children and teach them to get themselves up and ready for the day. If some of the family requires a bag lunch, try preparing some of it the night before. Instead of yelling at the children to go away while dinner is being prepared, let them help, get them involved in activities that will not only keep them busy, but will be of an assistance to you. Encourage children to be more independent, thereby relying less on you and reducing your level of responsibility.
Listen to yourself as you talk to your children. Would you speak to others in that tone or use those words? Would you want someone to talk to you the way you talk to your children? Are you using words and phrases that your parents used with you? Did those words and phrases hurt you when you heard them? They are hurting your children when they hear them, too. Learn to recognize what they are and eliminate them from discussions with your children. Don't use threats to make your children behave. Threats are rarely carried out. Make rules for the house and make sure everyone understands the penalty for breaking the rules. Children want and need boundaries and limits. Children don't need empty threats any more than they need empty promises.
The cycle of verbal and emotional abuse can be broken and it has to start with you.
Published by Sara Keet
Ms. Keet lives in the southeastern US between the Great Smoky Mountains and the blue Atlantic Ocean. Now retired, she spends her time writing freelance articles. In her spare time she enjoys being with her g... View profile
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5 Comments
Post a CommentGrown daughter 31 ...mental verbal abuse and some physical..help, I am 61...I go way above and beyond for her and my beautiful grandson...I am whipped emotionally and finacially..I can't even write anymore...I am just crying it out now...this has been going on for years...tell me I need to just run and hide for awhile
i have been with an alcoholic emotional abuser who is also a ragaholi..i always kept going back..it has been years of abuse for me and i need advice.he is off the wall with his addiction..he combines pot and alcohol comes in messed up and gets very aggressive..he took steroids years ago when he worked out..his thing is hes the man..please..he used to be really nice inbetween these periods but two weeks ago because he is like a loose cannon he took my keys, my cell phone , locked the door and terrorized me..i screamed to get away..since then i movedhalf of my furniture out and i m taking it all..he thinks he can abuse me with absolultely no consequences..please help me ..
Janey,
Wash you hands of him. Why are you worried about getting him to admit anything? It sounds like you still care. PLease, get away from him. I am divorcing an emotional abuser now. They generally don't get better.
MY ex boyriend and i evaluated the syptoms / signs of an emotinal abuser... he admitted to most or all of hte signs yet he denied being an emotional abusor... How do i get him to admit the fact that he is what is and that he should consider anger management and learn to let go.
I turn eighteen years old on November 2, 2008. I was inflicted with verbal and physical abuse throughout my childhood-life!!! My parents, especially my father, wouldn't keep their darn hurt-feeling remarks to themselves, swear at me, and call me "stupid!"! My parents appreciated nothing of all things that made me proud, that they were supposed to feel happy and proud of for me. Ever since I was a little toddler, I was verbally and physically mistreated this way. I was called "stupid!", "oh, you should already know this/that by now [do/know things that other children know at my age.].", "useless!". :-( My father used to be violent on me, crushing me on the head, kicking me down to the floor, using a broom or belt to "discipline" me, yanking me!!!! All my life, all I wanted to do is tell him to shut up, or even better , oh, yes, EVEN BETTER, "Get your a- off me!" and defend my health against him! All I ever wanted in life is that I could have been raised by caring, compassionate, and